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Paul created the clever illustrations, and Bill composed and performed the music. Both are friends diagnosed with autism.
Although we do not intend to be disrespectful, our words or actions occasionally step on the toes of other people. It would probably be a good idea for all of us to take a close look at our interactions with our friends with autism. Sometimes we need to make some adjustments in our conversations or in our actions so we can be certain we are treating every individual with respect and allowing them to maintain their dignity.
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Some parents, teachers, and therapists are very intense, spending a great deal of time and energy to help smooth the path for individuals with autism. Other parents and professionals appear to show very little concern for people with autism, letting many opportunities slip by with no apparent effort to help people maximize their potential. Most of us are in the middle. We are very interested in the well-being of our friends with autism, but we find it difficult to determine when it is best to wisely let go of an issue, and when it is better to steadfastly refuse to give up.
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Sometimes we hear of incredible breakthroughs for people with autism Television often features individuals who have been “cured” of autism or who have excelled in music, art, sports, or academics. We might read of a non-verbal person who suddenly begins talking. Or an extremely withdrawn student in our child’s classroom may suddenly start interacting with people at school. Although we are pleased that these individuals have made extraordinary progress, hearing about near miracles can be frustrating if our youngster is just plodding along or even regressing in some areas.
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A friend diagnosed with autism commented that her family is concerned about the fact that she likes to hang around the “special education” kids in her high school. Her thoughts give some perspective to the urgency for normalcy that we can feel for individuals with autism.
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Some compulsive or repetitive behaviors displayed by individuals with autism are annoying or socially inappropriate. But some actions are dangerous. If a person chews on or swallows soap, dirt, coins, rocks, paper clips, or anything else that fits in their mouth, there is a potential for serious illness or injury. Because constant vigilance is difficult at home, school, and other settings, compulsive chewing or swallowing is an issue that requires immediate attention.
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As a mom and I were talking in the grocery store, her 10-year-old son diagnosed with autism started rocking, putting cans of soup in and out of the grocery basket, and making repetitive sounds. His mom said, “Oh, this is so frustrating. I wish he could just learn to wait patiently.” Red flags were flying as mom and son grew more agitated. Not wanting to try the patience of this youngster any longer, I told him goodbye, and told his mom I would send her an e-mail. As I left the store, I saw mom talking to another friend. The youngster was rocking, biting his arm, making louder sounds, and generally trying to communicate that he was ready to hit the road.
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A middle school librarian asked for some ideas for appropriate reading material for individuals with autism. “I have a growing number of students with autism,” commented the librarian. “It seems to me that fiction is just confusing to some of the youngsters. It is as if they have some difficulty separating fact and fantasy.”
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A dad commented that his 12-year-old son didn’t seem to pay attention when given a direction. “He just seems to tune us out at home, and he acts the same with teachers, his soccer coach, his speech therapist, and his sister. He seems to understand language ok, so we’re not sure if he just doesn’t want to follow directions or if there is something else we should consider.”
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“I can’t believe my son loudly blurted out a graphic description of a temporary pain using anatomically correct words while we were standing in line at the grocery store,” said a parent of a young adult with autism. “It seemed like everyone in the store froze and looked at him in horror. Because he looks like a typical college student, his words caught everyone off guard, including me. I need some suggestions to help me know how to prevent this in the future.”
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You can jazz up snack time by encouraging individuals of all ages who are diagnosed with autism to mix up their own snack mixes at the beginning of the week. They can put their own hand-selected mix in small, snack-sized ziplock bags and keep them handy for road trips, school lunches, work breaks, or t.v.snacks. Here are some ideas to get you started. Don’t forget to take into consideration individual allergies and specialized dietary needs.
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“Our son seems bored and listless when he has free time,” said parents of an older elementary youngster with autism. “We don’t want to just keep buying him new stuff, but he quickly looses interest in any items after just a few days.” A teacher and a residential care staff member expressed similar concerns about the doldrums for teens and adults with cognitive limitations and autism.
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Vacations take an incredible amount of planning a preparation for any family. Several parents have commented that they finally feel confident enough to take their youngsters with autism on a road trip, and are looking for tips to help make the vacation experience as smooth and comfortable as possible for everyone concerned.
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Sometimes we might feel as if we are taking one step forward and two steps back when helping our friends with autism learn new skills and enjoy life. Many individuals with autism have uneven abilities in a vast array of areas, including language and communication, social interaction, behavior, adaptive skills, personal care, academics, job skills, and leisure time. In some cases, progress will seem slow, but we can be heartened when we take time to notice incremental steps forward.
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Casual conversation can be awkward with a person who is non-verbal. The grandfather of a youngster with autism said, “I sure like taking my grandson out for drives, but I don’t really know how to talk to him.” A teenager said of his sister, “All she does is repeat what I say, so it is easier just to keep quiet.”
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“As long as he had three meals a day, my son would probably be happy just sitting on his bed, flapping his hands and rocking,” commented the dad of an eight-year-old youngster diagnosed with autism. “I’m concerned about his physical health and emotional health, so I’m looking for some ideas for getting him out and about more.”
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“Our son seems really smart,” commented parents of a four-year-old diagnosed with autism. “He can count to 100 and recite the alphabet and he knows the words of nearly every song he hears.” Some pre-school children diagnosed with autism display extraordinary memories and an intense interest in sequences. The trick is to help these young geniuses to learn to use this gift in a productive way and to help moderate the obsession they often have with sequences and facts.
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We can best meet daily challenges when we relax. But how many teachers and therapists and parents of individuals with challenges related to autism find time to relax? Is it unrealistic to strive toward an impossible goal of relaxation?
For a variety of reasons, some of our friends with autism just plop down on the floor and will not budge. Sitting on the floor in the middle of the kitchen or the classroom is annoying and frustrating. Plopping down in the middle of a parking lot or street is dangerous. What choices do we have when a strong-willed individuals stages a sudden sit-in?
My throat is beginning to heal and my ability to speak is finally emerging after 48 hours of virtual silence. As I am slowly becoming more able to communicate with the people around me, I am getting a brief glimpse into the world of my non-verbal friends with autism.
Those of you who are listening to this podcast can tell that my voice is still lost, and that it is difficult to understand what I am saying. Having spent over 24 hours without talking has made me realize some of the challenges of non-verbal communication.
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