Comments for FAQautism

Comment on Seniors, 2010 by Lifestream for April 23rd | The 'K' is not silent

Lifestream for April 23rd | The 'K' is not silent — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:28:23 +0000

[...] @faqautism is about life after high school: http://faqautism.com/2010/04/seniors-2010/ [...]

Comment on Processing Delay by Cathy

Cathy — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:10:35 +0000

Gretchen – Moms certainly have an extraordinarily close tie with their kids and an uncanny intuition about needs. Sometimes that concern can seem overly cautious to others, like husbands, teachers, etc. :-)

I’m glad to hear you find our podcasts helpful. I just speak from my heart after having spent time for over 35 years with lots of individuals with autism – toddlers, teens, adults. I’ve known some of my friends for several decades, so I see the long-term impact of different strategies and approaches. I welcome your input about any glitch or solution or idea you come up with. Just send a message to talk@FAQautism.com. I look forward to hearing from you! + Cathy

Comment on Moderating Obsessions by Cathy

Cathy — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:26:05 +0000

let me know how that works for you, Jenn. Several of my friends with autism have responded well to this “visual hint.” :-)

Comment on Processing Delay by Gretchen

Gretchen — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:42:34 +0000

I googled sportsmanship and I am so happy to have found this website. My son has PDD NOS. He’s 6. His symptoms are mild, but concerning. It has been so difficult to find answers to my questions, because he functions so well. People tend to brush me off because he does so well (his Kinder teacher, my mother, my husband). My pediatrician and his DK teacher agreed with me that I should be concerned. I have been looking for websites or books or a certain psychologist to help me with those glitches that come up. I started reading articles here and am crying for joy. This is so helpful and exactly what I have been looking for. Thanks for the tips on sportsmanship and on how to find joy each hour. I’ve been doing that each day, but you are right, I really need to do it each hour! Our lives will be much richer! Also, the processing delay article was helpful too!

Comment on Moderating Obsessions by Jenn

Jenn — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:20:20 +0000

I love this idea w/ the flip cue card! I am going to try it!

Comment on Resisting Toilet Training by Cathy

Cathy — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:28:58 +0000

Hello, Carol. I do not have literature or research on the subject readily available. Some parents of my students with autism have encountered similar issues. Some have chosen to proceed with circumcision and others have chosen not to do so. Most made their decisions based on consultation with their medical doctors about the pros and cons. Because the broad range in autism of abilities related to self-care and hygiene, it is often difficult to predict a person’s ability to take care of personal needs, or their interest in personal care.

Comment on Resisting Toilet Training by Carol

Carol — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:24:18 +0000

My son and daughter-in-law made the decision not to have my grandson circumcised even before he was born. Then, shortly after his first birthday, he was diagnosed with autism. He will soon be four. My son is looking ahead at what it will be like when he is older trying to clean and properly take care of his hygene. He thinks my grandson should be circumcised now. The daughter-in-law is still against it. However, she is willing to listen or read about the advantages of having this procedure done. I am not a advocate of having every boy circumcised, but in his case, I believe it should be done and the sooner the better. Do you have any literature or facts on the subject?
Thank you,
Carol

Comment on Matter of Degree by Mary Fletcher Jones

Mary Fletcher Jones — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:34:14 +0000

I agree and this is how I determine whether the behaviors associated with autism need to be addressed: is it getting in my son’s way (now or in the future)? Is it interfering with what he wants to do, or with reaching his full potential? Is it dangerous to himself, or to others? Does it interfere with his learning, or that of others? Or is it annoying me to the point where my quality of life is compromised significantly? And there is always the question of degree, and how important the behavior is to the child.

For example, my son likes to flick things. He has told me how important it is to him to be able to do that. I can usually find a socially appropriate way to allow him to flick or just give him time to do that. But sometimes, I really want him to do an activity with me and I need his hands, like mixing batter, if we’re making cookies. If I’m feeling frazzled that day or I’m trying to concentrate on driving, I don’t have a problem asking him to stop asking me questions. But I explain why, and tell him that I will listen later.

But with eloping, which was more serious and had to be stopped, I invested a lot of time and energy into teaching him safe ways to behave and keeping him safe until he stopped the behavior entirely.

Comment on Selective Ignoring by cathy

cathy — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:54:45 +0000

Hey, Karen. Toileting issues cause SUCH huge headaches, especially as our kids get older. And when we add the issue of seemingly purposeful accidents, it can be SO frustrating. So many of my friends with autism have had issues with bowel movements. I have some ideas, but too long to write here. Send me an e-mail . Also, since several questions like your have come in just this week, We’ll post some podcasts on FAQautism.com about toileting issues.

Comment on Selective Ignoring by Karen

Karen — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:31:32 +0000

I am at my wits end with my teenage Autistic son, it appears that he has bowel movements in the toliet when he feel like it. For days in a row he will go in the toliet, then he will go in his diaper, then he will go what seems like on purpose on the floor. Do anyone have any suggestions on why or what intervention I can utilize? Thanks

Comment on Dangerous Actions 3 by Cathy

Cathy — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 22:07:56 +0000

Thanks for your insights and ideas, Mary. This is a tough road for lots of folks, especially since some individuals with autism struggle with these issues for many years in spite of the most diligent and patient families, teachers, and therapists. And some people move past one issue, only to dive into another. Ahhh…the complexities of life!

Comment on Dangerous Actions 3 by Mary Fletcher Jones

Mary Fletcher Jones — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:01:28 +0000

This was an issue for my child for ages 2 through about 7 or 8. Eloping, destructive behavior, in the beginning some aggression…I thought it would always be like that but he seemed to turn a corner — or maybe all those interventions started to work — and the past 3 years have been dramatically better. Sensory sensitivities were a big trigger for him — Xmas tree lights, the sound of motorcycles. In one grocery store, the sound of the cash registers was intolerable, but he was fine in another grocery store. We learned to work around it and he seemed to build up a tolerance for them over time. We took baby steps.

Removing him from a medication that was supposed to calm him but turned out to be activating also worked wonders. I am not anti-med, but in my child’s case, I find many Rx have the opposite effect on him. High-dosage vitamins can also cause problems. I think parents should consider the impact of medications when behavior is severe.

The one thing that worked best was a calm, patient and understanding attitude, and a willingness to take the child and his needs seriously.

Comment on No School Friends by Lola

Lola — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 12:02:35 +0000

Now that Jake “works” at the hospital he wants people to acknowledge him by saying “Hi” and thats all. No conversation, just “Hi Jake” and move on. Interesting.

Comment on Field Trips 1 by FAQautism | Field Trips 2

FAQautism | Field Trips 2 — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:23:35 +0000

[...] a resource for practical caregiving ← Field Trips 1 [...]

Comment on Semi-Independent Living by Muge Celik

Muge Celik — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:19:16 +0000

Dear Cathy;

my only concern is independent living for my son. he is just 10 years old and asperger. i am hoping he will be able to live byhimself when he became adult. but still life has suprises if i die before he become adult what is gonna happen to him. that always make me worried. as a single mom i can not help myself not to think that way.

thank you for your daily tips. i am trying to read often. thanks for being with us and sharing.

love, Muge

Comment on Processing Delay by Desiree

Desiree — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:36:28 +0000

My 8 yr old Daughter is very articulate however she has trouble forming questions or answering them. I see her struggling to put it all together.

Comment on Cuddly Pet by anonymous

anonymous — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:32:23 +0000

I emailed this link to my sister. She has been looking for this info for a long time.

Comment on Be a Sheep by Interested

Interested — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:18:24 +0000

Finally someone who can write a good blog ! . This is the kind of information that is useful to those want to increase their SERP’s. I loved your post and will be telling others about it. Subscribing to your RSS feed now. Thanks

Comment on Parent Conversation by Debby

Debby — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 13:34:12 +0000

I feel your pain! My boys are autistic too and we have many OCD issues at our house- Dad gets upset -I think men get upset because they cannot “fix it” and so they choose to ignore or complain about it. It is not a solution but as my boys got older (15 and 10 now) they learned to wait til Dad went to work to have their OCD issues because they did not want to deal with Dad too- I tried to explain to hubby that this is causing a lack of closeness but I know he has to figure that out for himself. I hope it helps to know someone is right there with you!

Comment on Parent Conversation by Renee

Renee — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:36:52 +0000

I found your blog while researching “autism” and “complaining”. I know that sounds strange – I’ll explain in a mintue. Any how, I decided to post a reply to this particular topic because it’s difficult to deal with differing opinions in the community; but it’s even more difficult dealing with differing opinions in one household.
My husband and I have one 7&1/2 year old boy who is Autistic and has seizures. It’s been a very long journey and we are still not on “the same page” with this. We’re closer now – at least I think we are in “the same book” maybe – but it seems my husband still can’t not take our child’s autism personally.
Today, “Boo” (our son) didn’t want to have cereal this morning, he wanted an English muffin. We were out of English muffins, they’d all been eaten at least two days ago. Boo didn’t realize they were gone, so he was not happy to learn this fact specifically at the point in time that he wanted one. So my solution was to tell Boo that well maybe after school we can go to the store and get some English muffins so he can have one tomorrow. He really wanted that English muffin and was being a little whiney about the fact that they were gone; but with a little prodding would have agreed to eat his cereal and go get the muffins later.
This seemed to be a reasonable solution to this until daddy started in. (I swear sometimes I have two children not one!) My husband starts complaining about how no matter what he does, this kid is not happy. He even saved the last cereal bowl and spoon and still Boo is complaining. All this kid does is complain – and I just said – “oh don’t you start too.” Boo is complaining that he wants and English muffin, my husband is complaining that Boo is complaining and “Now I’m stuck listening to both of you.” I said. Than my husband jumps in that he doesn’t want to listen to the both of us either. For what ever reason, my attempts to try and accomidate this kid’s preferrences drives my husband nuts.

I’ve read enough about Autism to know that Boo’s complaining isn’t because he’s ungreateful and all he ever wants to do is gripe. Part of the disorder is being inflexable. I understand that and so I try to help Boo to understand that sometimes there are things you just can’t have and sometimes there are things you can’t have right now. Next time when we are out, we can go grab some English muffins – it’s no biggie.
Boo seems to be able to adjust to this stradigy even though in his mind he thinks that adults have the unlimited ability to do what ever they want. Developmentaly he does’t seem to have gotten to the realization that there are limitations on everyone. He told me the other day when he wanted a candy bar and a donut and didn’t have enough money for both – that since mommy (me) gets what ever she wants – he should be able to have this candy bar too. I had to explain to him that I too am confined to how much money I have. The grocery store is not going to give me a steak if I can’t pay for it. These are hard life lessons, but he has to learn them.
My husband on the other hand thinks Boo should be happy with what we give him. He should not complain and just show gratitude for what ever he gets. Ironically, my husband’s gratitude meter has it’s own deficits; that he appears to be somewhat blinded too himself – which is what drives me crazy! Don’t tell the kid not to complain if you can’t stop yourself!

Any how, the morning ended with Boo just sitting there staring blankly at his cereal while daddy continued his “lecture” over what Boo should be doing and how now he’s waisting time by not eating etc etc etc….. (Of course the kid wasn’t going to eat given those circumstances.) It was getting late and finally, I just put Boo’s cereal back in the box and gave him a buck to go buy something at school and he got on the bus. Again, my husband probably wasn’t happy; but it’s testing day at school and regardless, the kid needs to eat something!
Boo felt bad that he “caused all this trouble”. I could tell by the fact that he’d rather wait outside in the rain for the bus than in the house. I don’t think he enjoyes complaining; he doesn’t seem to be able to help himself. For what ever reason cereal just “wasn’t right” this morning and he needed time to adjust. He’s not “skilled enough in deception” to put on a happy face and pretend he’s pleased with the fact that he’s not getting an English muffin!
When ever I try to explain to my husband that Boo does the things he does because he can’t help it; he always yells back “I don’t want to hear that!” Unfortunately, regardless of whether or not he wants to hear it – it’s true. Boo can’t help the way he processes the enviornment; the best we can do is teach him how to cope with it better!
So, I guess here is where I need some help – how do people cope with the “OCD” componant of Autism? How do I help this kid let go of the thought when he can’t have what he wants? (And will this work on dad too!)