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A pre-schooler – struggling with transition from home to school – spent most of the morning screaming, crying, throwing anything within reach, and running from anyone who approached him. Through the patient and consistent work of his teachers, family, and therapists, he gradually began calming down for a few minutes at a time when he played with no adults near. After 8 months, the youngster still spent most of the day in a very agitated state and particularly resisted structured activities and the presence of adults. One day recently I walked in the room for music therapy with three other students. Out of the blue, the 4-year-old stood and took my hand, “pulled” me over to the music therapy circle time area, sat in a chair, and reached out for the guitar. He looked up as if to say, “Come on! Start singing.” So, of course, I did, but in a rather shaky voice with tears in my eyes because I certainly was not expecting this youngster to reach out and make personal connection.
This is not a story of a miraculous cure or a complete transformation. The youngster still spends most of each day at home and school in an agitated state and resists contact with any adult. But his reaching out that day is one of many examples I see in my work of unexpected personal connections initiated by individuals who seem to be engrossed in their own worlds or resistant to interpersonal relationships.
The attempts to connect can be very subtle. Some of my friends with autism resistant to personal interaction may start occasionally glancing toward other people. Others may move a bit closer to a group gathering or allow someone to sit a bit closer to them. Still others become quieter or more calm for a few minutes when they notice another person close by. So, stay alert so you can take note of and respond to any unexpected personal connections.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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A therapist sent a message asking for ideas after one pre-teen landed in the hospital with dehydration after refusing to eat or drink after her favorite “sippy” cup broke. The situation is becoming so serious there is consideration of inserting a g-button. This is a last resort, of course, but, if it becomes necessary, there is some concern that the youngster will yank it out. Below are some ideas I shared with the family, therapist, and medical team.
1. I’m assuming the parents have purchased a new cup. In most cases, the transition to a new object can only work if the new cup or utensil is the same brand, same shape, and same color. Change – even in small details – can be very frustrating for some of our friends with autism.
2. Sometimes my friends who have these issues are tied to the smell of the object. I’m guessing just the bottom part of the cup broke, so, if the parents still have access to the top of the old cup, they might be able to put the old lid on the new cup to bring back the familiar smell.
3. They can also wash a new cup a number of times using the same type of washing they used with the old cup – dishwasher or hand washing or whatever using the same type of soap – to bring back that familiar feel and smell. I would also encourage them to fill it with the liquid the youngster usually drinks, then pour it out before washing then filling and washing over and over. (Think of breaking in a new blanket or pillow or seasoning a new cast iron skillet.)
4. Sometimes we tend to “make a big deal” over these types of transitions. It may work better to be matter-of-fact, saying nothing about the new cup and following the same routine for meals as usual – same time of day, same chair & table, same food, same atmosphere and conversation, etc.
5. Even if it doesn’t seem as if the youngster understands the conversations, it is absolutely critical that no one discuss her stubbornness, her refusal to eat or drink, or any other aspect of this situation in front of her, when she is asleep, or at any time or place with a remote chance of her overhearing the conversation/debate.
Because this situation is seriously threatening the health and well being of this youngster, it is critical to come up with a solution to get her back in the habit of eating and drinking. Then it would be good to start a specific program to slowly help her tolerate transition and change. For example, if the family is, indeed, able to acclimate the youngster to a new cup, they will want to purchase and “season” 5 or 6 cups to rotate in and out every day.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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While it is true that some individuals diagnosed with autism seem disconnected from society in general or tend to avoid contact with people, the range of social interaction in autism is very broad. Some people with autism
may not interact or talk, and others seem to prefer to be alone but tolerate the presence of other people. Some individuals with autism are easily over-stimulated and become very excited in the presence of other people, kicking their legs, flapping their hands, or rocking vigorously. Some people might laugh or talk uncontrollably, or they may bite their own hand in their excitement. Their response to other people is certainly a contrast to the stereotypical person with autism who shuns social contact.
I have some friends with autism who are very aggressive – they pull hair, bite, or hit anyone who comes within reaching distance. Some display explosive behavior – screaming loudly, throwing or tearing items, or running around the room when an unfamiliar person comes into the room. Some aggressive behavior may, of course, just be a result of excitement or the lack of ability to communicate to people in more appropriate ways.
In the case of the high school student described at the beginning of our podcast, he appears to have another trait commonly found in autism. He has a rather obsessive interest in people, resulting in what is perceived as overly-friendly behavior. It would probably be helpful for someone to coach him, helping the teen learn how far to stand away from a person, which personal questions are “off-limits,” and how to be a friendly without being overbearing. Many of my talkative friends with autism also need to learn the fine art of conversation, i.e. appropriate conversation topics, how to give-and-take rather than hogging the conversation, how to avoid interrupting, and how to end a conversation before the other person becomes irritated.
So, the high school teacher brought up a point that is true of all aspects of autism – we simply cannot make assumptions about what to expect with a diagnosis of autism. There are vast differences in each person’s strengths and areas of need.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Autism is complex, and requires on-going assessment and monitoring of individual strengths and deficits. We cannot assume, for example, a non-verbal high school student with autism is unable to read or to understand physics. We cannot assume a college graduate and successful professional with autism is toilet-trained.
The Autism Society of America describes the uneven and unpredictable nature of autism by stating “although autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors, children and adults with autism can exhibit any combination of these behaviors in any degree of severity. Two children, both with the same diagnosis, can act completely different from one another and have varying capabilities” (Characteristics of Autism, 2008).
Teachers, parents, therapists, and others interested in the well-being of a person with autism might want to look at a wide variety of options for addressing the unique needs of that individual. We should take into consideration the unique combination of characteristics of each person when developing personalized strategies and interventions, thereby maximizing each person’s potential and impacting their quality of life. Sometimes that involves combining features of various approaches to autism rather than following just one specific program.
Autism Fact Sheet. Washington, DC: National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. Retrieved October 15, 2010, from http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm#155613082
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed.-text rev.). Washington, DC: Author.
Characteristics of autism. Autism Society of America. Retreived October 15, 2010, from http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_whatis_char
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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I could actually write a whole book about this topic, but we try to make our FAQautism podcasts and e-mail posts short and sweet, so let us look at three key issues.
(1) ROUTINE. These days everyone in the family sort of grabs some food before basketball or in the middle of homework or when their favorite television show is over. This improvisational style may seem the best route until you find yourself dealing with behavior issues daily around meal time. Most individuals with autism thrive on routine, so consider picking a certain time for dinner each night and for breakfast each morning. This regular suppertime routine and breakfast will probably help everyone in the long run, but it will make a world of difference for your friend with autism.
(2) NO INTERRUPTIONS. Again, the new lifestyle involves constant pings, rings, bells, vibrating phones, and at least one television blaring. For just 15-minutes, turn it all off. You will be amazed how much that one act of courtesy will calm your friend with autism. And you will be amazed at the fun conversations that will erupt around the table.
(3) PITCH IN. One of the best gifts you can give your child, teen, or adult family member with autism is that of increased self-reliance. So everyone pitch in at the end of the meal to help with clean-up. Give your friend a different job each day, so he can enjoy the routine of clearing table on Mondays, emptying dishwasher on Tuesdays, taking out trash on Wednesdays, and so on.
TIP FOR THE DAY: All of these strategies may seem like a burden to the rest of the family, but just introduce the new routines quietly and cheerfully, accepting no grumbling, arguments, or drama. Most families and group homes that follow these three tips have commented on the increased calmness, decreased tantrums, and general contentment for their friend with autism. So, give it a try.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Because of individual differences, it is impossible to develop one fool-proof strategy for increasing tolerance for change and for decreasing agitation or explosive outbursts in the face of change. But it is helpful to look at strategies that have worked for others people with autism. One such option to consider is that of making change common.
I noticed years ago that youngsters with autism in larger families seemed to be more flexible and more tolerant of change. Keep in mind that this observation was not based on scientific data, and that I certainly knew some children with large families who were, indeed, extraordinarily obsessed with routine and quite intolerant of even minor changes in the details of their daily lives. But, in general terms, growing up in a busy household seemed to make some individuals with autism more able to cope with unexpected events and sudden changes in schedule.
Over the years, some families and teachers have successfully instituted the “big family” strategy of intentionally making change a part of the daily routine for children, teens, and adults with autism. Every day, teachers and parents purposefully insert one or more unexpected change in schedule or a change in one or more aspects of daily life, e.g. a new snack or menu item at a meal, a new pair of socks or t-shirt, a new music CD while riding in the car, or a different type of shampoo.
TIP FOR THE DAY: We certainly want to respect the fact that autism causes intolerance for change for many individuals with autism, but we can sometimes help them gradually learn to cope if we make change part of their daily routine.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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+ Matter-of-fact reports. Anticipation of upcoming events can actually add stress and increase agitation for some individuals. If our friends tend to take life as it comes along, we might want to adopt a matter-of-fact reporting style, just announcing the schedule for the day without adding extra detail.
+ Minimize fanfare. Although some individuals with autism need the extra preparation, others deal with upcoming events and changes better if we minimize the fanfare. For example, in the case of moving to a new house or school, we can simply announce the new event by saying something like this, “In May we are moving to this white house with a grey roof.” Then, the next week, we might say, “Your bed and books and toys will move to a new room in May.”
The straight forward, no-frills style of announcing new events or happenings can be much more acceptable than a long, detailed explanation like, “Honey, Dad needs to move closer to Granny so he can take care of her, and mom has a new job in Adamsville. So, Son, I am sorry that we will have to move away from our home. I know you love our home. And I know it will be hard for you to move away from a place you love and into a new house. But, don’t worry, Son. We’ll let you help us pick out a new home in Adamsville, one that has a big bedroom just like your bedroom. And we will find one that has a big backyard with trees just like our house here. I promise you will learn to love your new house. The important things is that we will all be together, Son, so, don’t you worry, we will help you make this change and will help you feel comfortable in your new home.”
TIP FOR THE DAY: Some people, whether they are diagnosed with autism or not, would not have dreamed of worrying about the move if it weren’t brought up. The long explanations and effusive apologies can be a red flag that increases anxiety and builds stress. So, in some cases, it is better to simply announce the facts and move forward.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Although not everyone agrees with me, I feel as if obsessive interest in an object like a blanket, a pair of shoes, a family photo, a book, or a favorite t-shirt is an inherent part of autism. Unless some serious health issues are concerned, it seems to me that we can allow our friends to hang on to things that bring them comfort and connections with pleasant memories in the past. Here are a few ideas that have worked for families over the years to help preserve those items that wear away.
TAKE PICTURES. Before the final pillow, teddy bear, or pair of shoes is wearing down to nothing, take pictures of your friend holding or wearing the favorite object. Sometimes the photos help smooth the transition to “life without my favorite pillow.” Also take photos of favorite pets, favorite cars, or favorite teachers to help smooth the transition to new pets, cars, or teachers.
SAVE THE SHREDS. When the t-shirt, blanket, or pillowslip is thread-bare and falling apart, rescue the shreds by sewing them in quilt fashion on a throw pillow. Teens, college kids, and even adults have favorite throw pillows, so it is certainly age-appropriate to integrate his favorite baby blankie into a pillow to keep on his bed or in a favorite recliner.
These are just a few ideas that help preserve favorite items and allow them to stay connected to old favorites via the remnants. This may appear a bit fanatical to some people, but it makes perfect sense to a person with autism who deals with exceptional obsessions every day.
TIP OF THE DAY: Our friends with autism probably appreciate our recognizing their extraordinary obsessions and our efforts to help preserve their favorites.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Despite many years of intensive speech therapy, this young adult is unable to use sign language, picture symbols, or assistive communication devices very effectively because of significant cognitive and motor limitations. She tends to throw any objects rather than using them to communicate.
When she moved to her new home, everyone wanted to encourage her to interact, but her loud and repetitive noises when attempting to communicate with others made it necessary to teach her to verbalize in more appropriate ways so she would not irritate people around her.
Step 1. She was taught to get the attention of a person by touching their shoulder or hand and to make a soft sound, “Hey,” then wait for them to respond. People were encouraged to respond to her rather quickly rather than allowing her attempts to get their attention to escalate. If they were not able to give her attention at that point, they said, “I will talk to you in a minute,” or “Wait, please. I cannot talk now.”
Step 2. Once she had their attention, she could point or show the person what she wanted to talk about. For example, if she wanted a drink, she could point to the refrigerator. Or, if she was wondering about weekend plans, she could bring the staff her picture schedule. Again, the staff were trained to listen attentively and to respond to her rather than ignoring her until she irritated them.
Step 3. She was taught to use one soft, single-syllable sound when she wanted to say something rather than repeating phrases loudly over and over again.
Step 4. The staff and her peers in her new living situation were encouraged to acknowledge her verbalizations as if she had spoken words or phrases they understood – similar to talking to a person who has had a stroke. They could reflect her communication attempts by saying something like, “You really like that apple pie, don’t you?” or “You want to wear your purple sweatshirt.”
Step 5. Because this young lady is a sociable person who obviously loves to “talk,” people in her community were encouraged to take a bit of time with her every day to talk to her while riding in the car, sitting on a swing, looking at the newspaper together, or eating meals. She seems to really cherish those interactions, and, maybe as a result of those personal connections, became a bit less demanding and more content. Her loud, repetitive, and rather irritating verbalizations are decreasing, probably because she is now able to get the attention of folks and to communicate with them more appropriately. And, because people around her purposefully take time to interact with her, everyone is more content.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Some of my friends with autism and their families have dealt with difficult people or inflexible policies over the years. For example, some parents have told me of a spouse, member of their extended family, neighbor, therapist, teacher, classroom aid, administrator, group home staff, job coach, or medical professional who has been judgmental or uncaring about their child. Some people in their lives have refused to accept their child, have been overly critical of the child or the parent, or have had unrealistic expectations.
Some families have encountered roadblocks from agencies and decision makers about issues such as funding services, providing critical services, considering appropriate placement, or other issues that impact the life of their loved one with autism.
Sometimes the attitudes or reactions of complete strangers can be the source of our anger when it comes to autism. For example, a grocery store clerk or a parent at a baseball game may glare at us or at our youngster in the midst of a meltdown. When we least expect it, we may overhear someone making a critical remark about our parenting skills or about our youngster with autism. I’ve heard young children blurt out a hurtful remark like, “What is wrong with that boy?” And I’ve heard adults say things like, “Why don’t his parents do something to stop that?”
How should we respond when this happens? How can we be expected to overlook such stinging, hurtful remarks? Over the past 40 years, my friends who have chosen to do just that, to ignore criticism and biting comments, have fared far better than those who hold grudges. You can waste a lot of energy holding a grudge against a person or an agency or society in general for injustices to your child with autism. Sometimes it is best to forgive and forget and move on. This includes forgiving a person who does not necessarily deserve forgiveness.
TIP FOR THE DAY: All of us, whether diagnosed with autism or not, can benefit from growing thick skin and forgiving people for their rudeness – whether they intended to hurt feelings or not. Just focus on the positive and purposefully choose to overlook the negative happenings in our lives.
We can also benefit from focusing on sharpening our own skills so we can more systematically address challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Observing this rough school adjustment period for students with autism year after year since 1974 has taught me several valuable lessons, one of which is to avoid trying to make everything perfect for these youngsters.
Our instincts compel us to make plans for weeks in advance to smooth out every possible challenge a young student with autism might possibly encounter. Granted, we want to help youngsters adapt to new settings gradually, but, in the long run, we don’t do them any favor by removing all challenges.
Here are a few strategies that have worked for some of my friends with autism during the first few months of school as they struggle with transition to a new classroom situation. Keep in mind that every single person has different challenges and different preferences, so adapt to fit the needs of any specific student.
+ Celebrate the new. If our youngsters with autism are particularly upset about leaving their previous school and teachers behind, we certainly want to acknowledge that and give them time and space to grieve and even be angry. At the same time, we can set the tone for the new classroom by speaking positively about the upcoming year. Again, without too much fanfare, we can chat about events in the upcoming week and make positive comments about the new school and teachers and students.
+ Allow for adjustment. When behavior issues escalate at the beginning of a school year, we are likely to trace the cause to our friend’s intolerance for change since transition is challenging for many individuals with autism. Given those circumstances, teachers and parents might want to allow for an adjustment period and balance expectations for appropriate behavior with the need for patience on our part during the first several days or weeks or months of school.
TIP FOR THE DAY: We can inadvertently contribute to the transition problems by our words and actions. In most cases, the challenging behavior attached to transition decreases as the youngster with autism adjusts to the new place, new people, and new daily routine. It can actually be counterproductive in the long-run to try to remove all the challenges or to make the road so smooth that our friends with autism do not ever experience the frustrations of transition to a new school. Sometimes our best strategy is to relax and help them slowly adjust to he new setting.
I encourage you to take time to explore new approaches for addressing challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for practical, to-the-point resources with workbooks and audio discussion. Our website is http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Some individuals with autism like to wear only a certain style or color of clothing, or like our high-school super fan, clothing with one theme. With just a few exceptions, this type of preference does not pose any particular challenges as long as family members, teachers, bosses, and other folks don’t make it an issue.
The problem arises when a person literally wants to wear the same clothes every single day, or if they won’t give up clothes or shoes after years of wear. Even if a person wears the same size for years on end, clothes and shoes eventually wear out. So, what are some options that caregivers can implement if they face this dilemma?
1. Buy two of everything. If a person will only wear a certain navy sweatshirt or a certain pair of sneakers, then purchase two or three sets and rotate them every two or three days.
2. Forget style. Don’t worry about what other people think.
3. Avoid extreme styles. When children are young, try to avoid extreme styles so you don’t run the risk of your youngster latching onto that style for several decades. You probably don’t want your daughter still wearing frilly pink pinafores when she is twenty-three.
4. Tolerate the transition. When clothes and shoes literally fall apart, we have no choice but to replace them. We just need to be prepared to tolerate the meltdowns that sometimes occur when old favorites must be replaced.
5. Ease into change. We can sometimes ease the transition by introducing a new pair of shoes several months before replacement is critical. The shoes may be more familiar and acceptable if they’ve been visible in the closet for several months and if they have lost the “new shoe” smell. New clothing is usually more easily acceptable if it has been washed several times and has been in sight for several months. One adult friend with autism said that he still has an extreme aversion to shopping for new clothes, so it helps him if a family member shops for clothes and runs them through the washer several times before putting them in his closet.
6. Keep souvenirs. If the person simply will not part with old favorites, put outgrown shoes or tattered pants in a zip lock bag as a souvenir. You can make a throw pillow out of patches of favorite shirts. Take a snapshot of your youngster wearing their old favorites.
We welcome your stories about favorite clothing and ideas for dealing with this potentially challenging issue. Just click on the comment button or send us an e-mail – talk@FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
Published on: Mar 7, 2008
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In reality, there are different tiers of loudness and quietness in our lives. Most of the time, we can tolerate a bit of talking and other noise at home, at school, and in the community. Sometimes we simply need people to talk softly when we are listening to the news or conversing with other people. In a few select situations, it is necessary for people to be very quiet and to make very few, if any, sounds. For example, testing situations at school usually require total silence. Because some people with autism will not pick up on social cues in different settings, they may need help learning what levels of noise are appropriate for different situations.
It is more helpful to specifically describe what level of conversation is required rather than just generally saying, “be quiet.” For example, if people just need to lower the volume a bit, we can say something like, “Please talk softly while I talk on the telephone.” On the other hand, if we are at a concert or other event that requires total silence, we can say, “Please listen very quietly. Make no sounds until we stand up at the end of the concert. No sounds, please.”
We must, of course, make certain our expectations are reasonable. If a friend with autism murmurs or hums repetitively, it is unreasonable to expect them to be totally quiet. The same is true with individuals with autism who tend to repeat phrases or to occasionally shout out or make random sounds. Under those circumstances, we cannot expect a person to be totally silent for an extended period of time, so we need to either avoid those situations or to be prepared to tolerate some verbalizations and sounds.
Keep in mind that we only make matters worse by reacting to sounds with a loud “shhhhh.” It is usually better to develop a quiet, unobtrusive system for reminding folks to be quiet. For example, I use a small card printed with the words, “Quiet, please” or a picture symbol of a person signing “quiet” to use as a reminder during a sermon at church or while at plays or concerts. Some teachers and parents use the “red, yellow, green” symbols of a traffic light to help children know if they can make noises freely (green), or if they should keep the noise level down (yellow), or if they should be totally silent (red).
We welcome your ideas for helping communicate different levels of loudness. Just click on the comments button or send us an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
Published on: Jun 23, 2010
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1. This mom had a great idea for using duct tape to alleviate anxiety for her daughter when using a public restroom. Mom wrote, “Almost all the toilets have electric eye flusher systems – and the anxiety of it flushing when she wasn’t “ready” made her a wreck and me too – so I would tape over the electric eye while she was in the stall & then remove it when she was done.”
2. This mom also recommended duct tape for emergency repairs. If something breaks, you can fix it quickly and without fanfare. And I’m convinced duct tape has magic properties, i.e. somehow broken items stay together until you can get home and get a “real” repair job done.
3. Over the years, I’ve noticed the therapeutic qualities of duct tape. If one of my friends with autism gets anxious or frustrated, I stick a small piece of duct tape on the knee of their jeans or tennis shoes or even the palms of their hands. Repetitively sticking and unsticking the duct tape often distracts my friend and diffuses their distress.
TIP FOR THE DAY: I’ve noticed that duct tape comes in colors now, but, for some reason, I still like the traditional silver color. I keep a small roll in a ziplock bag with a small pair of scissors to get the tape going so I can tear off a bit easily.
Duct tape is handy, and so are our new FAQautism.com Toolkits. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website to check out these great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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At least a week before school starts, parents of a youngster with autism who is attending a different school this fall might want to ask a counselor or other staff member to give their child an informal, low-key, personalized “welcome tour” helping them learn the location of their book locker and gym locker and classes. It would be good to help them pre-plan their daily route so they can get from class to class on time with all the necessary supplies and books.
Purposeful, casual, one-to-one instruction about some of the school traditions, procedures, and expected behaviors would certainly make transition MUCH smoother for individuals with autism, many of whom are visual learners and simply may not process all the verbal instructions given during orientation in a large all-school assembly.
So, before the first day of school, make arrangements for a “welcome tour” to help students with autism learn about (1) emergency drills and procedures, (2) expected behavior during morning announcements, (3) location of restrooms, (4) expected behavior in the hallways between classes and during classes (5) procedure for riding the school bus, (6) lunchroom procedures, (7) expected behavior during pep rally and other group gatherings, (8) procedures for dressing out in gym class, and (9) who to contact with questions or problems. I encourage parents to tag along if appropriate so they can help remind their youngster of the new routines if needed.
We welcome your input. Share challenges and ideas based on your experiences or intuition. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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I remember one young lady who did not understand the implications of a “Traditions Rally” on the first day of high school. In keeping with one of the long-standing school traditions, everyone walked around the school seal on the floor in the lobby in memory of fallen soldiers from their high school. Needless to say, everyone was horrified the next morning when they saw this young freshman standing in the middle of the school seal the next day, holding her back pack, and looking up at the sky light in the dome high above the seal.
This attentive young lady was an honor student with normal receptive language and an excellent memory. But she was missing the executive function required to translate the information about the memorial seal from a hypothetical discussion to an expected behavior. Fortunately, she didn’t pick up on the disapproval of her peers, and a teacher quietly helped her understand that she needed to stand outside the decorated area on the floor, but that could have easily turned into a disaster.
Some elementary schools use a “traffic light” system to monitor noise in the lunchrooms. When the light is green, people are free to talk to their neighbors. A yellow light is a warning to talk softly, and a red light is a signal for complete silence. Because many youngsters with autism think in concrete terms, their literal interpretation of the traffic light makes it difficult to generalize the rules from car traffic to the noise level in the cafeteria.
A young teen was embarrassed when she stood up in gym class. The coach had said, “All the boys, pay attention. You need to stand up.” The female student focused on the coach’s words when he said, “pay attention” and “stand up,” so she missed that key phrase, “all the boys.”
Miscommunication results when we assume youngsters know the meaning of symbolic words. For example, some of my young friends with autism have taken the phrase “moment of silence” literally during the morning announcements, leading to problems with talking during that very long “moment.”
One of my pre-teen friends with autism took the principal’s instructions very literally when she said, “Everyone will sit with their homeroom during lunch.” So, after getting his lunch tray, the young student walked to his homeroom to eat! ☺
We hope you will share your experiences about communication glitches at school, home, or work. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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Because of individual differences, it is difficult to come up with a “one-size-fits-all” strategy for building a smooth bridge between summer and the school year. But several basic strategies have helped the process for lots of folks over the years.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE DIFFICULTY. If we recognize and accept that fact that resistance to change is a natural result of autism, we can take positive, pro-active steps to help our youngsters make a smooth transition from summer to school. The whole process can be less stressful if family members, teachers, and others accept the fact that transition and change are difficult for many individuals with autism. That doesn’t mean that we should ignore inappropriate and troublesome behavior, but it does mean that we can adopt an attitude of helping our friend on their journey rather than getting frustrated with their tantrums and stubbornness.
INTRODUCE CHANGE GRADUALLY. Several weeks before school starts, we can gradually begin introducing structure to the evening routine and to the morning routine. We can gradually begin waking our youngster up closer and closer to the time they will need to rise once school starts.
MAKE TRANSITION AN ADVENTURE. Purchase a calendar that can be used to keep track of the last weeks before school starts. Your youngster with autism can mark off each day in a countdown to school, and he can write down “back-to-school events” such as shopping for school supplies and Meet the Teacher night. Your family can have a “Last Day of Summer” party that includes swimming, carving a watermelon, churning ice cream, or other favorite summer activities. Granted, a low-key approach is better for some individuals with autism who would be overwhelmed with all this excitement, but others get distracted with the celebrations, making back-to-school blues evaporate.
We welcome your input. Share challenges and ideas based on your experiences or intuition. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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TRANSITION. Our friends tend to focus on one activity and to resist changing to a new activity. Even when heading for a favorite activity, individuals with autism struggle with transition. Inflexibility and transition issues often lead to severe emotional meltdowns, resulting in pre-schoolers with autism being viewed as difficult, stubborn, and disruptive.
BOUNDARIES. Many early childhood group activities are on the floor with no visible boundaries. The lack of a defined sitting space leads most pre-schoolers to lie on their backs, lean on their neighbors, and kick their feet. These and other wiggly, squirmy actions interfere with their participation in the group. The squirmy issue is often magnified with a child with autism.
CHANGE OF RULES. During free time and play time, pre-schoolers are encouraged to run and shout and throw balls and talk to their friends. All of a sudden, the rules change when they come to circle time. Even very cooperative, compliant kids have trouble sorting out different rules for different places in the same classroom.
FOCUS. The teacher must be somewhat of an entertainer in order to capture and hold the attention of the students during group time. Circle time usually consists of singing songs, using puppets, telling stories, and displaying pictures and interesting objects. When teaching youngsters with autism, there is a fine line between these two principles: (1) making things interesting enough to capture and maintain attention, and (2) making things too bright and too noisy and too fast, leading to sensory overload.
PARTICIPATION. Social interaction, receptive language, expressive language, and reciprocal communication are all skills necessary for successful participation in most group activities. ALL of these areas are inherently challenging for individuals with autism.
Given these factors, it is easy to see how a youngster with autism might perceive a pre-school classroom as chaotic. lWe invite you to share your observations and experiences. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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CIRCLE TIME. Teacher-directed group activities require youngsters to come to the area of the activity and to stay in the area of the activity. Participation requires a child to pay attention to the teacher’s words and actions as well as multiple visual and social cues. Circle Time activities also call for some measure of impulse control – waiting for the teacher, taking turns, keeping hands to self, following directions, and tolerating lots of sounds, sights, and people.
FREE TIME. Many children love recess, but sometimes our friends with autism really struggle with the lack of structure inherent in free-time play. Free time requires them to make decisions about filling that time, to share space and objects with other kids, to play cooperatively or at least tolerate the presence of other kids, and to play independently with minimal supervision and direction from adults. To some extent, the popular technique of having independent play centers or independent learning centers in early childhood classrooms can raise some of the same challenges for youngsters with autism.
TRANSITION. Dealing with the transition between self-directed and teacher-directed activities is a fine art that requires some expertise. A youngster needs to learn to stop what they are doing and come when called, to stand and wait in line, to follow classroom routines without much supervision, to deal with multiple directions, to follow the social cues of their fellow students and of their teachers, and to focus on a task and complete it with minimal assistance.
Yikes! This list makes it sound more challenging to start pre-school than to start graduate school! We will discuss some fun and effective ways to help your pre-schooler with autism learn these classroom survival skills in upcoming podcasts. Meanwhile, just relax and remember that pre-school can be a great adventure in spite of some rocky paths and landslides. A wise person once said, “If a mountain were smooth, you couldn’t climb it.”
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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1. Timing. Most large amusement parks such as Six Flags, Sea World, Disney World, and others get more crowded in the afternoons and early evening. If your friend with autism can tolerate large crowds and waiting in line, then you can go anytime. If not, you need to find the least crowded time. Also keep in mind that some of our friends with autism are “morning people,” and some are not. In order to give all the best experience, you need to plan the timing carefully.
2. Logistics. Some individuals with autism have special diets or medical needs, or need assistance with toileting. If so, plan in advance for taking care of those individual needs without too much fanfare. For example, if you are a mom and your 25-year-old son with autism needs a bit of assistance with bathroom issues, you need to locate the family restrooms so you can help him without making a scene.
3. Personal preferences. Remember that not everyone loves to ride the roller coaster and not everyone wants to get splashed by dolphins. It is hard to find the balance between encouraging a person to try something new and forcing them into a situation that makes them feel very uncomfortable. And some of our friends with autism are not able to articulate that well. So we need to watch closely – supporting and encouraging people as they try something new while at the same time, keeping a eye out for signs of serious discomfort and respecting their preferences. I’ve heard frustrated parents say things like, “We paid a lot of money for the tickets, so we aren’t going to just sit under this tree watching the people walk by.” But we need to know in advance that our friend may literally not be interested in the excitement, or that they really do prefer watching shows to taking wild rides.
TIP FOR THE DAY: I encourage introducing our friends with autism to new experiences and exciting adventures while at the same time respecting their preferences, no matter how offbeat they seem.
And it is always wise to take time to explore new approaches for addressing challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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