FAQautism

Sometimes we hear of incredible breakthroughs for people with autism Television often features individuals who have been “cured” of autism or who have excelled in music, art, sports, or academics. We might read of a non-verbal person who suddenly begins talking. Or an extremely withdrawn student in our child’s classroom may suddenly start interacting with people at school. Although we are pleased that these individuals have made extraordinary progress, hearing about near miracles can be frustrating if our youngster is just plodding along or even regressing in some areas.

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We can fall into the trap of “wishful thinking” when we are dreaming about perfection in our family, our finances, our looks, or our careers. Although it is certainly tempting to strive for miracles in the lives of our family member or our friend with autism, our time and energy might be best spent on increasing joy and contentment rather than on aiming for perfection. Notice that I did not suggest that we simply give up, but rather that we focus on increasing joy and contentment of our friends with autism as well as those around them. That is certainly easier said than done, but here are a few ideas that have helped other people.

1 NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS. Nothing increases joy and contentment more than knowing someone is there for us. It is easy for parents and teachers to assume youngsters know they are loved. But sometimes our friends with autism need concrete evidence. One of the most effective ways to demonstrate love and caring is taking time every day to just hang out with our friends and build strong personal connections. Swing, walk, read,, chat, sing, or just sit. Look at family photos, water the plants, sing a favorite song, or sip hot chocolate. The time you spend nurturing friendships is more valuable than gold.

2. EXPLORE OPTIONS. When you see no light at the end of the tunnel or when it seems as if your youngster has hit a brick wall, take a hard look at the issue from every angle. Keep Plan B in your pocket, ready to pull out when Plan A crashes and burns. Sometimes Plan B involves trying a different strategy or developing a creative new way to approach a problem Sometimes it may be more productive to accept the status quo or to redefine our expectations. Call on friends and family and experts and mentors for input and advice. Don’t be afraid to take a step back and move in another direction.

3. CELEBRATE STRENGTHS. Dealing with challenging issues and behaviors and schedules can be overwhelming, sometimes keeping us focused on dealing with the negatives rather than celebrating the positives. Take some time to laugh, to savor a moment, and give someone a pat on the back. Don’t forget to keep track of even the most insignificant bits of progress. Write down those little joys that pop up every day – even if your youngster seems to be taking one step forward and two steps back. Send yourself an e-mail every few days or jot down milestones or fun stories on a calendar.

Remember that miracles can happen, but, meanwhile, let us focus on the joy of this day. We welcome your thoughts about this issue. Just click on the comments button or send a message to talk@FAQautism.com

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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