Avoid Assumptions
Sometimes we jump to conclusions when it comes to the attitudes or intentions of other people, a habit that can lead to unnecessary conflict or grief. Sometimes it is wise, under the circumstances, to avoid assumptions.
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Over the years, I’ve seen lots of anger aimed at family members and the general public by parents and individuals with autism. For example, the topics of conversation at family gatherings give one friend good reason to feel as if her extended family is being overly critical of his daughter. Another friend was devastated recently when she overheard a pre-teen ask her mother, “What is wrong with that boy?” And yet another friend is heartbroken because none of her neighbors let their children play with her child because of his aggressive behaviors.
All of these are, of course, legitimate concerns. But it is wise to avoid assuming a person is hateful or vengeful. They may not even know about autism. In many cases, people do not intend to be hurtful. They may speak up when it would be most polite to keep their opinions or observations to themselves. Or they may say something out of ignorance.
In either case, it is particularly critical to avoid reacting negatively. If time and circumstances allow, you can take time to explain autism to the individual. Or you can hand them a business card that says something like this, “Yes, my son has autism. To learn more about this complex diagnosis, click on http://www.autism-society.org.”
Granted, relatives and the general public can be purposefully rude or overly critical. Except in rare circumstances, we cannot resolve that problem by striking out in anger. We can grow thick skin and ignore rude remarks or we can smile sweetly and say something like, “I am sorry you feel this way,” or “It hurts my feelings when you are critical of me or my youngster.”
TIP FOR THE DAY: Sometimes the wisest route is to forgive and forget, whether the person deserves forgiveness or not.
And it is always wise to take a road toward our being able to systematically address challenging issues that can arise in the lives of our friends with autism. Click on the Toolkit tab on our website for great resources; http://FAQautism.com
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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