FAQautism

A mom was puzzling over the differences in the personalities of her two sons with autism. One of the boys responds best to strict, specific instructions, and the other only responds to gentle, sweet coaxing. Mom said, “People who don’t know our family think I speak too harshly our oldest son and that I spoil our younger son.”

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Teachers have noticed this same phenomenon. All kids, whether they are diagnosed with autism or not, have different personalities and learning styles. Some respond better in a structured environment where they know specifically what to expect and what is expected of them. Others are more cooperative when they are gently guided toward following instructions and encouraged every step of the way. Again, this difference is observable in all children, but it can be more marked in the lives of individuals with autism.

This mom has stumbled on the right approach when facing this difference in personalities. She helps her “literal” son by giving specific, firm instructions, then waiting like a drill sergeant until he follows directions. He turns away from sweet talk and effusive praise. So Mom will say something like, “Brush your teeth now, read one chapter of your book, then go to sleep.” He likes this because he knows exactly what she wants him to do and he isn’t distracted by other conversation or happenings. He hears a direction, finishes the task, then moves on.

Her other son requires a very different approach because of his difficulty in dealing with transition. Abrupt changes and specific instructions can set off a firestorm of screaming, throwing, and refusal to cooperate. As bedtime approaches, Mom gently guides him through very gradual steps that eventually lead to his being tucked into bed for a good night’s sleep. As you can see, the approach this mom takes with one boy is totally opposite of the approach she takes with her other son.

TIP FOR THE DAY. Because of individual differences, it is impossible to develop one strategy or approach for dealing the problems encountered by people with autism The most effective teachers, parents, therapists, and other friends of people with autism are those who take time to know that particular individual, then develop strategies to match their personality and preferences.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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