Do It Anyway
What are our options when a friend with autism is reluctant about participating in fun, recreational activities? Some individuals with autism require special encouragement or promises such as “First, take a walk with me, then you can watch your DVD.” But in many cases, the best approach is to simply announce an activity and, if met with resistance, do it anyway.
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MISTAKEN APATHY. Sometimes we fall into the trap of assuming lack of enthusiasm indicates refusal to participate. Some individuals with autism have a flat affect. Their facial expression and tone of voice can be mistaken for indifference. Lots of teenagers, whether they are diagnosed with autism or not, display a nonchalant, less-than-enthusiastic attitude, even when they are looking forward to an activity.
DON’T ASK. When my children were young, I learned to avoid the question, “Do you want to go hiking with me?” We have painted ourselves into a corner when a youngster answers the question, “Do you want to?” with the word “no.” At that point, we only have two choices: (1) give in to their negative response, or (2) jump into a battle of wills by insisting on participation.
EMPTY THREATS. I have also learned to avoid making comments like, “You’d better get some exercise” or “It isn’t good for you to just sit around.” Empty threats rarely yield the desired response since they fly right over the youngster’s head.
DO IT ANYWAY. The approach that most often garners positive results is to simply announce an adventure hike or a bike ride and shoo everyone out the door. As long as we are focusing on the well-being of youngster, we don’t need their permission. So, in many cases, the key to encouraging participation in fun, recreational activities is to ignore the apathy and do it anyway.
TIP FOR THE DAY: There are, of course, times when we need to respect a person’s preference to skip an activity. But, just as is the case with most of us, our friends with autism usually warm up to an activity despite their initial reluctance. So, do it anyway, and enjoy!
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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