FAQautism

Do you ever feel like you are engaged in a constant battle of wills? Let’s look at a strategy for increasing cooperation and compliance, even with the most strong-willed youngster diagnosed with autism. This proactive process turns a battle of wills into a win-win situation for all involved.

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With few exceptions, most parents, teachers, and others who spend a great deal of time with individuals with autism can get annoyed when youngsters ignore our instructions or refuse to cooperate. Over time we can become impatient and develop that common condition of “nag-itis.” Our scolding often falls on deaf ears, and nagging can lead to a long-standing battle of wills.

If you find yourself in this situation, you might consider a strategy that involves gentle nudging rather than constant nagging.

1. KEEP YOUR COOL. When met with defiance that cannot be ignored, get on eye level and speak softly but firmly, stating the desired behavior very specifically, e.g., rather than shouting “Don’t hit your brother,” say quietly but emphatically: “Put your hands on your knees, now.”

2. STAND YOUR GROUND. Maintain contact with a firm gaze and close proximity, asking the youngster to respond with “ok” or “sure” if he is able to speak. Give him plenty of time to process the information and to make a decision about following the direction.

3. ENCOURAGE COMPLIANCE. Give the youngster a high five or a big smile or a pat on the back when she follows the instruction or makes a positive response.

4. START AT THE BEGINNING. If the uncooperative behavior continues, patiently repeat the strategy. You may see results in a few hours, or it may take years. But a calm consistent guidance will eventually lead to increased cooperation.

TIP FOR THE DAY. We can turn a battle of wills into a win-win situation if we turn away from impatient nagging, and, instead, give our youngsters with autism nudges every single day toward being pleasant, cooperative, friendly people.

I encourage you to take another pro-active step toward pleasant interaction with your friends with autism: Check out our FAQautism Toolkits – practical, succinct resources filled to the brim with step-by-step details for pinpointing challenging issues and developing a strategy for dealing with those issues. Just click on the Toolkit tab at our website: http://FAQautism.com

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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