FAQautism

Last year we posted a podcast on FAQautism.com – Mom vs. Dad – that continues to be popular. Because of the pervasive nature of conflict in families and between husbands and wives, we are looking at the issue again. Unfortunately, disagreements are part of human nature, and, in many families, conflict over child-rearing practices is the norm. Autism just adds another bone of contention into the stew of family feuds.

Listen Now:

 

 Standard Podcast [4:49m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I am certainly not qualified to be a marriage counselor, but decades of experience have taught me a few tips that might be helpful for parents who are at odds with their spouse over child-rearing. Let us look at just one aspect of conflict and a possible solution.

MOMS AND DADS ARE DIFFERENT. Moms simply view the world differently from dads. Because of the different perspectives of men and women, the challenges of dealing with autism are magnified in family situations. I’ve talked to dads who think their wives are overreacting, and I’ve talked to moms who think their husbands don’t care about their child with autism. I’ve talked to moms who think their husbands are too strict and demanding, and I’ve talked to dads who think their wives are spoiling their child with autism.

CONFLICT ADDS STRESS. Sometimes we make matters worse because we want the other person to agree with us. We get very agitated with our spouse because they don’t respond like we want or because they do not recognize we are right and they are wrong. That tension between mom and dad just adds stress to daily family life, especially when the arguments erupt in front of the kids. Complaining and nagging can, instead, make the other person more stubborn and even less likely to listen to our point of view

AGREE TO DISAGREE. One way to increase calm a foster contentment around the house is to simply accept the fact we will not always “win.” In many cases, our stubborn husbands or our emotional wives are not going to change, so we need to just let some things go. Accepting this fact runs counter to human nature, but agreeing to disagree is often the only way to bring peace to the family.

TIP FOR THE DAY: I realize all this is easier said than done. But it is important to take a step back and think about the well-being of our youngsters with autism. Arguments, discord, strife, and complaints about the other person rarely add to quality of life. It is often more productive to take a deep breath, accept the situation as is, and carry on.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

Automatically generated related posts:

1. Mom vs Dad What do you do if you disagree heartily with your...
2. School Options Part 2 In the first part of this discussion about school options,...
3. Arrival of Adolescence Teenagers tend to push the limits on clothing, hair, shoes,...
4. Family Disagreements Autism is complex. That fact sets the stage for disagreements...
5. Script for Anger “I am a regular FAQautism listener via podcast and have...