FAQautism

Sometimes we can fall victim to well-meaning people who constantly give advice about teaching or raising a youngster with autism. And individuals with autism can feel as if they are trying as hard as possible to learn a new skill or break a bad habit, but everyone around them just keep pressing without even giving them a pat on the back for making some progress. Even constructive criticism can be hurtful if not mixed with a pat on the back occasionally.

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One parent commented that she tended to avoid any family gatherings because it seemed like everyone was always trying to give her advice about raising her teenager with autism. She said, “Their own kids are certainly not perfect, but they are happy to tell me I need to do a better job of parenting. Because I always get mad, I try to avoid family events.” This mom and I talked about the advantages of staying connected with her family and came up with these two strategies. Both can be used by individuals with autism or their family members, teachers, and therapists who are frustrated with an overdose of “constructive criticism.”

GROW A THICK SKIN. Although we can’t assume that people are critical of us, some folks are, indeed, judgmental. This is a problem that ALL people encounter, whether autism is in the mix or not. Consider growing thick skin. Don’t let rude comments or judgmental opinions ruin the day for you or for your friend with autism. Just smile and nod and say something like, “Life is really complex for all of us, so we’ve learned to enjoy each day.” Then ignore any other comments. If necessary, just graciously excuse yourself from the room for a bit.

DON’T LET OTHERS DICTATE. Sometimes it is necessary to just cut criticism short. Whether they intend to be purposefully hurtful, or if they are just offering “constructive criticism,” some folks may say things that are inappropriate or overly critical. For example, if a member of her extended family is making disrespectful or hurtful comments to the mom at a family gathering, she can take a deep breath, turn to them with a smile, and say, “I appreciate your concern, but it would be most helpful to me if you would avoid talking about my child and avoid criticizing me.” Then change the topic of conversation and ignore other critical comments.

TIP FOR THE DAY: As hard as it is to do so, it is best to avoid responding with argumentative or hurtful comments. Take a walk around the block if you feel your anger boiling up. The trick, under the circumstances, is to keep you cool and let inappropriate or excessive criticism roll off your back.

Another thing you can do to make yourself feel better (and to make ME fell better) is to tell everyone you know – especially the negative and overly-critical people in your life – to join us at FAQautism.com. Thanks for helping spread the word.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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