FAQautism

It is easy to jump to conclusions when we look at a challenging situation from afar. When family members or teachers or individuals with autism hear criticism or judgmental remarks, they may be tempted to shout, “Hey, you would have a different attitude if you had to walk in my shoes!”

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If our child with autism is toilet trained, we need not be self-righteous and assume that another child would be toilet trained if the parents would only try harder. If we see a teen with autism having an emotional meltdown at school, we must avoid assuming the teacher is not well trained. If a person with autism does not look at us during a conversation, we must not assume they are inattentive or uncaring. Rather than jumping to conclusions, we need to take time to walk in another person’s shoes so we can see all the factors contributing to the challenging situation.

1. Individual differences. The spectrum of autism is very deep and wide, so many different factors can contribute to challenges with communication, social interaction, behavior, self-reliance, and other issues we encounter daily. Each person with autism is very different. Something that is rock solid for one person with autism may not apply at all to the person with autism standing next to him. I’ve even seen two kids in one family who, except for their striking similarity in looks, were drastically different in every aspect of their lives.

2. Uniform game plans. Although some principles apply across the board, there are no magic formulas for dealing with challenging issues related to autism. For example, a parent or teacher who has seen a particular strategy make a real difference in the life of one youngster may assume the same strategy will work for all kids with the same diagnosis. I’ve heard parents and teachers make comments like, “If those parents would just do this, their child would sleep through the night,” or “If that teacher would make that student pay attention, she would learn to read.” It may be that we do, indeed, need to sharpen our skills or try new strategies or raise the bar of expectations. But, on the other hand, vastly different issues impact the lives of each individual with autism, so it is impossible to expect the same game plan to work uniformly across the spectrum.

3. Thick skin. Sometimes people make hurtful, judgmental remarks, but sometimes people are just trying to help. We can actually be guilty of being overly sensitive to comments from others. Sometimes it is good to get input from an “outside observer” who is not too close to the situation. If we listen closely, we might actually learn something or pick up a tip that will, indeed, help improve the life of our friend with autism. We can definitely decrease the stress in our lives by developing a thick skin, learning what we can from constructive criticism, and letting unfounded remarks roll off our shoulders.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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