Repetitive Conversations
No matter how patient we are, repetitive conversations about the same topic day after day can be very irritating. Some of our friends with autism seem to ignore what other people are talking about and talk incessantly about one topic. Others seem to want to strike up a conversation, but simply do not have the social awareness to come up with a topic that is of interest to other people.
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One of my pre-teen friends with autism talks about scary movies and Halloween. Another constantly talks about her mood ring. One high school student talks non-stop about his third grade teacher, and yet another is somewhat obsessed by a famous sports figure he met once at a Special Olympics event. A music therapy student constantly asks me questions about my adult sons, both of whom were friends with this student when they were young, but have now moved out of state for college and careers.
The concerns about these repetitive conversations revolve around degree. We all have friends who seem to hog the conversation or talk incessantly about one topic, but sometimes the habit can be very irritating. Repetitive conversations and obsessive interest in one topic or person is simply a part of autism. So, in some ways, we need to be tolerant with ritualistic talking. At the same time, we can help shape conversation skills and help expand interests. We’ll look at a few tried-and-true strategies for helping folks expand their topics of conversation without nagging or punishing them for talking.
MY TIME-YOUR TIME. I am always interested in encouraging personal interaction with my friends with autism, so I do not want to stifle their efforts at conversing with me, even if the topic is overly-repetitive. One strategy I use in music therapy session is called “my time-your time.” I set a timer for 2 minutes or so, and encourage my friend with autism talk about anything they like. I give them my undivided attention and show interest in their topic even if I have heard about it ad nauseam. Then, when the timer dings, we switch roles, and I lead the conversation and activities for 2 minutes or so.
Gradually, their time becomes shorter and my time becomes longer. Over time, even the most obsessive conversationalists learn to focus on my topic for a bit of time, so we are usually able to quit using the timer as a signal that their time is over. But I always encourage some casual conversation every time we get together. After all, our goal is not to stop conversation, but to decrease their irritating obsession with one topic.
Check in on our next podcast – Conversation Topics – for some ideas about expanding a person’s topic of conversation.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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