No School Friends
It can be heartbreaking when our kids with autism do not have friends at school. We can teach our kids how to be friends, and we can encourage other students to be friendly, but we cannot force others to be best friends.
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Interestingly, several of my students over the years – articulate teens diagnosed with autism – have told me and their parents and their teachers not to worry about the friendship issue. One young man said he didn’t even notice he didn’t have friends until we kept bringing it up. He said he liked school, liked most of his classmates, and didn’t really care if someone called him every day or wanted to sit next to him on the bus.
Another teenager recently graduated from high school. She said her mom and sister were always worried that she didn’t have any friends, but that it did not bother her. The young lady said she wasn’t really interested in hanging around every day with any of her classmates since most of the girls in her classes spent most of their time gossiping or fixing their hair, and most of the boys played video games on their phones.
A junior high student diagnosed with autism seems oblivious to the fact that she does not have one or two specific friends who seek her out in the lunchroom or hallway. Although it was heartbreaking at first to see her sitting alone in the lunchroom, they noticed that she moved over to various groups of kids when she finished eating. When asked, she said, “I can’t eat my lunch and talk, too.”
TIP FOR THE DAY: Although we might personally prefer having one or two “best friends,” not everyone has that same preference. The best strategies are to give our kids lots of opportunities to interact with other students, to teach them how to be friendly to others, and to closely monitor their attitude about friends and lack of friends. Then we can just relax and quit worrying about things we cannot change.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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