FAQautism

Autism is complex. That fact sets the stage for disagreements about diagnosis, treatment, education, medical issues, parenting strategies, behavior issues, and other matters that arise in the lives of individuals with autism and those around them. How can families best deal with inevitable differences of opinion?

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LET IT RIDE. Sometimes we simply need to let go of some concerns. We may need to take a close look at our expectations – whether for our family member with autism or for our spouse or other family member. This is not to say that we need to just give up or to let individuals with autism float freely through life, hoping everything will turn out all right. But, at the same time, we need to make certain we do not sacrifice quality of life when striving to control every aspect of an individual’s life. There are simply some factors and people we cannot change. If that is the case, there is no point in standing on principle and making everyone miserable in the process.

STAND FIRM. It is necessary, on occasion, to take a stand against a flood of disagreement from other family members. If you are convinced your judgment is correct, then state your case calmly by giving the reasons behind your opinion. Avoid divisive words and confrontations. Anger seldom convinces other people to take your side or even to listen to you.

AGREE TO DISAGREE. The complexity of autism prevents us from looking into a sure-fire “how-to” manual to find strategies guaranteed to help in all situations for all people. Sometimes spouses and other family members simply need to agree to disagree. Try one solution option, and be willing to try another option if needed. And, again, avoid angry arguments. Your family member with autism senses the tension, even if it seems as if they are not paying attention.

TIP FOR THE DAY: Chances are slim for families coming to a complete agreement about every aspect of autism. The trick is to decide when to stand firm and when to let issues ride. Remember this: focus on the well-being of the individual with autism rather than on winning the argument.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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