FAQautism

Sometimes we lose sight of the ultimate goal. It is easy to get so focused on dealing with a problem or teaching a new skill that we forget about the “personhood” of our friends with autism.

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Some thoughts to ponder:

1. PERFECTION IS IMPOSSIBLE. Although we certainly want to do what we can to help our friends with autism maximize their potential, it is unrealistic to expect perfection. The same principle applies to family members and teachers and therapist and advocates and others. We might want to moderate the level of our condemnation when a person working with our youngsters with autism falls short of perfection. Along those same lines, we need to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake or an error in judgment.

2. CONTROL IS UNHEALTHY. The parents of one of my long time students were talking about their rather fanatical behavior at school planning meetings when their son was in elementary school. In retrospect, they realized they had taken a step beyond trying to help their son. Instead, they had unwittingly moved into the realm of being obsessive and controlling. As years flew by, they both realized that controlling every single minute of their child’s life was counterproductive.

3. PLANNING HELPS. Our friends with autism certainly benefit from planning. Education plans, training plans, behavior plans, therapy plans, dietary plans, health and fitness plans, and financial planning keep us on track as we work together as a team to help maximize the potential of an individual. Effective planning defines realistic goals and step-by-step strategies to help an individual move toward those goals. The danger in planning is that of overlooking the individual and viewing a person with autism as a neat list of goals and objectives and strategies.

4. RELATIONSHIPS ROCK! Many family members and teachers and therapists over the years have realized the value of taking time to connect with their friends with autism. Strategies and skills training and education and programs are helpful, but friendship and personal connections are what make the world go around. Even if a person’s autism keeps them from reciprocating friendship, we still need to take time to nourish that relationship and demonstrate unconditional love.

TIP FOR THE DAY: I guess it could be said that the ultimate goal is to bring balance into the lives of our friends with autism, helping them maximize their potential while at the same time nurturing relationships to enhance the quality of their daily lives.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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