Two Steps Back
Progress can be evasive. Just as soon as we see our friend with autism taking a step forward, it seems as if they immediately take two steps back. How can we deal with frustration when we sense a lack of progress?
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RELY ON FACTS, NOT FEELINGS. Sometimes our frustration is not based on facts. For example, at the end of a long day, we are tired and our to-do list is very long. Our youngster with autism just sits rocking on the couch, ignoring our instructions and staring into space. We are disheartened and upset because we feel as if he “never” follows directions. In reality, if we kept a tally of all the instructions he had followed that day, we would discover that he had, indeed, followed six out of every ten directions at school and at home. This is certainly a marked improvement over his old record of following only 20% of the instructions on any given day.
CHECK YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Sometimes we measure progress based on unrealistic expectations. We might compare our youngster with other kids, or we might be striving for more perfection than is possible. It is probably more productive to break things down and to celebrate as we inch toward the ultimate goal.
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. A friend who has two youngsters with autism commented recently about counting her blessings. She was talking informally with a group of moms about the frustrations of taking one step forward and two steps back. This mom chuckled and said she remembers when her children were not taking any steps forward and, instead, were taking ten or twenty steps back every few days. “I know this just sounds like I am chasing rainbows,” she said. “But I have learned to celebrate the little things in life, and, when things get real tough, to be thankful for any little baby steps we take forward.”
KEEP GOING. We all get discouraged during those inevitable lulls in progress. Teachers, therapists, family members, and others interested in the wellbeing of individuals with autism can feel as if, in spite of their best efforts, everything is moving backward. Obviously, we cannot just give up. It can be helpful at this point to pause, look at the situation through different eyes, redefine the goal, or try a new strategy.
TIP FOR THE DAY. Hang in there! Patience and perseverance usually pay off with forward progress.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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