Public Announcements
Some things should just be kept private, but, for some reason, many family members, teachers, therapists, and others who care about individuals with autism tend to announce their private matters to the world.
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Well, maybe not to the whole world, but I do often hear people discussing private matters in public. And I occasionally catch myself doing the same. For example, someone will ask a ten-year-old who is not yet toilet trained if they need to check their diaper. Or an adult may say something like, “Do you need to poop before you go outside?” or “Did you remember to wipe your bottom and wash your hands?” in a loud voice to a teen with autism in the school cafeteria. I’ve heard people loudly discussing bedwetting issues, menstrual cycles, or private bathing issues in very public forums.
Maybe I’m just too sensitive to such comments, but it seems to me that we owe our friends with autism the same respect as their typical peers. Somehow I don’t envision a teacher or parent saying to a typical 16-year-old, “Come over here so I can wipe your nose” for everyone to hear in the bleachers at a basketball game. It just seems more respectful to give directions or make comments about private issues in a quiet voice rather than making a public announcement.
I’m guessing that the people speaking loudly in public about private issues are not intentionally insulting a person with autism. It is certainly natural to assume a person will not be offended since they are non-verbal or because they do not seem to be paying attention to activity and conversations swirling around them. And, it may be that they are, indeed, oblivious to the topic and that they are not offended by a public discussion of their private issues. But it seems to me that we still owe individuals respect.
Maybe we should consider following the golden rule when talking in a public forum, “Don’t talk about any topic in public unless it is something you would want others to talk about you.” Hmmm…I don’t know if that translates very well, but, the point is this: You wouldn’t want people talking about your private issues in a public forum, so give your friends with autism the same respect.
TIP FOR THE DAY: Keep conversations and comments about private issues quiet by monitoring the conversation topics and voice volume you use in public.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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