Conversing with Others
Sometimes we fall in the trap of thinking in terms of all or nothing when looking at areas of strength and weakness in individuals with autism. So, for example, we might assume a person can either carry on a conversation, or not. In reality, there are many stages in between.
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Some people with autism can participate in casual conversations between two people, but freeze up in a group. Others will join in a conversation when prompted or asked a specific questions, but they are unable to initiate or start up a conversation with someone.
Sometimes a person with autism is comfortable talking a blue streak to another person, but they focus intently on one topic of conversation, and resist any attempts to change the subject or broaden the conversation. Other people are not resistant to changing topics, but they do not always pick up on social cues in conversation. So, for example, they may not realize that other people are bored with the topic and ready to move on.
Some of my friends with autism interpret social speech literally. So, for example, if someone casually asks, “How is your grandmother?” the conversation could last for a very long time as the teen reports every detail of Grandma’s health issues. The question “How are you?” is often meant simply as a greeting, but some individuals with autism respond in great detail.
It is easy to misinterpret the responses of people with autism. For example, I used to think one of my adult friends was not interested in our conversation because she was just staring off into space and rocking. When I politely changed the subject, thinking she was bored, she said, “Oh, I was paying attention. It just helps me listen better when I don’t look at your face when you are talking.”
TIP FOR THE DAY: Take time to talk with your friends with autism so you can pick up gaps and help them strengthen their conversational skills.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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