FAQautism

We are continuing the conversation about the pros and cons of revealing a diagnosis of autism to a school-aged youngster. One parent expressed some hesitation in telling her daughter about the diagnosis. This youngster is in typical classes in middle school, and has been known to use her diagnosis of motor deficits as a tool to gain sympathy from new teachers and as an excuse to avoid homework. Her mom is also concerned about the response of other youngsters if her daughter’s diagnosis of autism is public knowledge.

Listen Now:

 

 Standard Podcast [5:22m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This mom has expressed some valid concerns. Teasing and bullying are very real issues. It is sometimes difficult to discern the difference between friendly banter, uninformed comments, and bullying. As parents, we tend to be much more sensitive than our kids about remarks and attitudes. All kids are the brunt of teasing or criticism about something at some point in their lives. I was teased because of my red hair, and my brother was teased because he was tall. I’ve known girls who were teased because they were unattractive, and others who were teased because they were pretty.

It might be much more productive to teach our children how to deal with teasing or criticism than to try to “keep a secret about autism.” Teasing will probably happen whether or not she has autism, so she needs to be equipped for dealing with it. One technique is learning to ignore some comments and to let things roll off our backs. We can’t protect our kids from every negative comment, but we can teach them to relax and enjoy life without focusing on the opinions or words of other people. It is also important to calmly alert teachers and other adults about the possibilities of bullying by other children or adults. Most schools have mechanisms in place to deal with bullying and inappropriate teasing or gossip.

This mom also expressed concern about her daughter using her diagnosis as an excuse to avoid situations or people. Most school-aged children who are capable of manipulating a situation are old enough and mature enough for straight talk. Parents can say something like this: “You have been diagnosed with autism, but you are also a regular kid. You can do school work and make friends and go to Girl Scouts just like other kids. If you run into any problems because of your autism, we’ll help you out. For example, you may have trouble with typing or with getting organized. We will help you figure out how to work around those problems, but we will not allow you to make a big deal about your diagnosis of autism. We expect you to do your best at school and we expect you to be nice to other people. We expect you to do your homework and to do your best everywhere – no excuses.” Emphasize all three points: (1) We are here for you, (2) Do your best, and (3) No excuses. The goal is to provide very specific guidelines without nagging a child to a point of frustration. Nagging is not productive, but consistent encouragement is helpful.

TIP FOR THE DAY. Each person is different, so strategies must be customized for the person and the situation. But consider implementing the policy of openness about the diagnosis of autism while at the same time equipping a youngster to deal with bumps in the road of life.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

Automatically generated related posts:

1. Revealing Autism 1 A parent asked recently about the wisdom of telling her...
2. Who Cares? Two parents of elementary aged youngsters with autism were talking...
3. Holiday Visits “Just the thought of visiting our family at Thanksgiving raises...
4. Critical Relatives Relatives sometimes make remarks about our youngsters with autism that...
5. Avoiding Holidays 1 Holiday visits can raise the stress level for all families,...