The Human Factor
Amidst all the planning meetings and strategies and therapies and appointments, we can inadvertently overlook the humanness of our friends with autism. Therapists, teachers, and family members need occasional reminders to take a break and develop a relationship with the person, not their autism.
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An adult friend who struggles with many daily challenges related to his autism said that his life is sometimes viewed by others as a tapestry. He said, “I’m really just lots of threads woven together. Some people notice all the bumps and holes and imperfections – they want everything to be perfect and smooth. Other people look at the whole thing and see a beautiful tapestry.”
The most valuable gift we can give anyone is to take time to develop a relationship and to view them as a person, not a disability. It is, of course, important to take a look at a person’s strengths and deficits when working together with a team to develop target goals and objectives and to develop effective strategies for therapy, education, and community life. At the same time, we can recognize and celebrate their abilities and help them utilize those strengths in a positive, productive way. Sometimes it is most productive to recognize that some traits are simply inherent in autism. Sometimes we need to simply accept some behaviors and character traits, spending our time and energy on issues that have some potential for progress.
Some of the warts and bumps we encounter with our friends are related to typical developmental issues, and not a result of autism. For example, I had a hard time convincing a parent to celebrate her teenage daughter’s pouting and resistance to parental advise. I was amazed and delighted that this non-verbal, relatively disconnected young lady was acting very much like her typical peers. We can still help shape a cooperative attitude and more positive behaviors, but it is critical to recognize which challenges are related to autism and which are related to normal human development.
TIP FOR THE DAY. Spend time with your friend with autism so you are able to recognize their abilities, their passions, their interests, their frustrations, and their joys so you can connect with the human – a unique tapestry.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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