Never Give Up
Last week several parents of youngsters with autism were talking about all of the issues that arise in their daily lives – a flood of challenges that can seem overwhelming. They specifically mentioned two issues encountered by many families of individuals with autism: toilet training and letting a youngster get himself ready for school in the mornings. It is hard to work patiently on either of these issues with all the pressures of school mornings and a relentless time deadline. But, for the sake of our youngsters, we can never give up, no matter how deep our frustration.
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Some individuals with autism will need help with every detail of their daily care for the rest of their lives because of significant motor limitations or cognitive deficits. But most folks can learn at least some basic self-help skills. Even when we are convinced that a person can help with dressing, it is challenging to keep working on a skill when we don’t see any progress.
It is human nature to think in terms of “all or nothing,” e.g. he is toilet trained or not, or he can dress himself or not. When a person doesn’t seem to be making headway, we tend to throw in the towel. Unfortunately, when we give up out of frustration, our friend with autism eventually turns into a middle-aged adult who is not toilet trained or can not get dressed in the morning. This reality can motivate us to adopt this motto: “Never give up!”
The keys to success in teaching some degree of independence are (1) to think in terms of gradual progress, and (2) to invest time now to save time later. For example, we can break down the self-help skill of dressing into 365 tiny steps. That allows a youngster to make incremental progress throughout the year and allows us to recognize and celebrate progress every day. Then we can look back at the end of the year and realize how far our friend has come. The time we took out of our busy schedules was a worthwhile investment.
But, if we let impatience rule and stop working on a skill, we will reach the end of yet another year where the person needs help with diapers or getting dressed in the morning. Those years add up, and soon the kid turns into a teen, then an adult.
TIP FOR THE DAY. Don’t ever give up, no matter how frustrating the situation. Invest time now to gradually build new self-help skills. The effort will make a real difference in the long run.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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