FAQautism

The excitement of the holidays, large family gatherings, new foods and activities, and interruptions in familiar routines can cause stress levels to rise even as autumn leaves start falling. Several parents have already asked about strategies for helping smooth out family visits. This podcast features some of the tips we discussed at this time last year – ideas that helped many families enjoy the holidays.

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At best, large family gatherings are stressful for many folks, and autism adds additional challenges. A person with autism may be overwhelmed with the situation. After all, holiday visits require our friends to leave the quiet comfort of home to come to a new place where lots of unfamiliar sights and sounds and people and foods are swirling around. Rather than avoiding holiday visits, I encourage families to take purposeful steps to maximize the situation for everyone – your youngster, his extended family, and you! Family members of individuals with autism might want to consider implementing some of these practical strategies, not only at Thanksgiving, but at other traditional family gatherings.

1. Talk about the upcoming visit. For several weeks in advance, talk about “Thanksgiving at Grandmama’s” or whatever. Show your youngster pictures of Grandmama’s house and relatives he will see. Talk about the anticipated activities for the day. Talk about Thanksgiving in general and about family traditions surrounding the holiday.
2. Plan in advance. Pick the best time frame for your visit. If your youngster nearly always has a melt-down in the early evening, then plan to leave by that time. If he usually gets very active in the early afternoon, plan to take him for a walk at that time. If your son only likes certain foods, take some of that food along. If he can’t get along without his favorite toy or book, take that along. Most kids get restless when waiting around. Plan some activities that he can enjoy rather than expecting him to sit for hours while adults converse or watch television.
3. Short and sweet. If you know in advance that your youngster gets restless after a few hours of relatively unstructured time, then don’t press your luck. Purposefully show up after everyone else has arrived, enjoy a meal and visit, then head home.
4. Watch food intake. Monitor the food your youngster eats to prevent allergic reactions and to prevent behavior issues that arise for some individuals with autism when they eat certain foods.
5. Anticipate issues. Be prepared for explosive or other inappropriate behaviors that can occur when a person is thrust into a new, stressful situation. Nip frustration or anger or over-excitement in the bud when possible. You can go for a drive or for a walk to help him calm down.
6. Respect privacy. Remember that your youngster probably understands everything that is being said. Try to avoid talking about him or about his autism or about problems you are encountering. Although it is tempting to talk about issues at family gatherings, it is probably more respectful to have such conversations with your relatives via e-mail.
TIP OF THE DAY. A holiday visit requires that you remain vigilant to help your youngster stay on track. A low-key approach to the whole situation works best. It isn’t necessary to make a big deal over his macaroni and cheese preference or over his lack of social interaction or your “short and sweet” visit. Don’t expect perfection. Take care of all problems swiftly and quietly, then relax and enjoy your visit. Over time, these family visits will become more familiar to your youngster, and the family traditions will become an important part of the fabric of his life.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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