FAQautism

Whether or not they are diagnosed with autism, people do not act rationally when they are extremely angry. So when our friends with autism are in the midst of a furious explosion or emotional meltdown, rational conversation will not penetrate the wall of frustration and anger. Under the circumstances, it is unwise to scold an angry person or to try to convince them to be calm when they are in the midst of a tantrum or angry explosion.

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REMAIN CALM. When a person with autism begins to display extreme agitation or anger, we often get a bit nervous and tend to react rather vigorously. Our friends can often pick up on that anxiety. Sometimes we wait until the explosion is ready to hit, then we suddenly begin trying all the tricks in the book to stop the meltdown. Extra words, more noise, more directions, and extra attention can just escalate the agitation. There are, indeed, many strategies that can help diffuse the situation, but the most important ingredient in any action plan for decreasing the frequency and duration and intensity of meltdowns is for everyone to remain calm. Calm, measured, predictable responses help the person get their bearings and help dissipate the storm.

VENT. Sometimes folks need an opportunity to vent their anger before they can calm down. The trick is to help them express their frustration and anger in a manner that doesn’t hurt anyone. You can provide an “MAD” pillow they can hit and mash and scrunch. A soft ball or squishy toy works well for this as well. Some people need a “cool-down” space so they can retreat for a bit of time when they are very angry. This can be a certain chair, a swing, a bean bag chair, or a walk outside.

TIP FOR THE DAY: Calm, measured responses are effective in the face intense meltdowns and furious temper tantrums. It is certainly difficult to stay calm when a person with autism is clearing the shelves in a store or when they scream and bite their arm. But it is much more helpful for us to stay calm, to talk in quiet tones, and to avoid escalating the problem with too many words.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me a confidential email at talk@FAQautism.com with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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