Sportsmanship
It seems as if some people are born with a competitive nature. Some youngsters want to be first in the car, first in the lunch line, and first to pick teams at recess, not to mention wanting to win every game or to make the highest score on computer games. This is true whether children or teens are diagnosed with autism or not. A competitive personality can spill over into group activities at school, in sports, or in music. Several parents and teachers have expressed concern about some youngsters whose competitive spirits lead to an obsession to win. One parent said, “My PDD-NOS son has to win at every game or he freaks out, getting so angry, hitting, throwing, and screaming, ‘I want to win.’ He is also beginning to cheat so he can win.” I’ve met many other kids functioning on the spectrum of autism who have a similar obsession.
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Unless we keep our kids isolated from others, they will probably encounter lots of situations where they do not win or are not in first place. Their reactions to losing are more intense and less socially appropriate than that of most of their peers. In my experience, it is impossible to change the personality of a person who has an inborn competitive nature, whether they have autism or not. But we can help our friends learn more appropriate ways to express anger and frustration.
1. TALK to your friend about sportsmanship if his communication skills allow. Use social stories or actual experiences when appropriate. Help him understand that it is fun to win and that nobody likes to lose, but that most folks don’t scream or hit when they lose a game or when they are not first in line.
2.”STAY COOL” TOOLS. Equip the youngster with some alternative ways to deal with anger. Some ideas that have worked for youngsters who needed help staying cool: (1) count to 25, (2) wiggle your toes until they get tired, (3) move to a different part of the room/house until you can cool down (4) shoot some baskets, (5) snap a band on your wrist, or (6) splash water on your face and get back to the game.
3. “GOOD SPORT” LIST. If your youngster responds to schedules and step-by-step lists, you might work together to make a list that includes these steps: (1) Do your best. (2) Enjoy winning. (3) Don’t make fun of others who do not win. (4) Stay cool if you lose. (5) Say, “Oh well, you win some and you lose some.” (6) If you get REALLY mad, move outside or to a different part of the room to cool down.
We welcome your input. Join the conversation about issues related to sportsmanship by clicking on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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