FAQautism

Sometimes we can feel as if we are going in circles when it comes dealing with challenging behaviors that often accompany autism. Just when we are getting one problem ironed out, another problem comes barreling around the corner. The seemingly never-ending hopeless spiral of behavior management can certainly be frustrating. But, if we look closely, we notice that the downward spiral is actually a series of overlapping circles. We can build on those circles, moving from frustration to forward progress

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For many years, I viewed behavior management as a linear process. We either ENCOURAGE a behavior, or we learn to TOLERATE it, or we realize we need to IGNORE it, or we develop a plan to SHAPE it, or we take immediate steps to STOP it. One day, I was talking to a frustrated dad of a youngster with autism and very challenging behavior issues. As we talked, the concept of a circular motion came to mind, because, interestingly, the most effective way to STOP a behavior is to ENCOURAGE a different, incompatible behavior. For example, we help a youngster stop hitting by encouraging him to put his hands on his knees. So, we have moved full circle and taken a tiny step forward. Here is an example of the full circle.

ENCOURAGE. When this dad’s youngster was a pre-schooler, he was very withdrawn and screamed or ran when a person approached him. When he began connecting with the world around him, reaching out to others and wanting to give hugs, we were thrilled, so we encouraged the behavior.
TOLERATE. When he entered upper elementary school, the youngster didn’t realize it ws not appropriate to give friends and classmates multiple hugs. But no one wanted him to feel rejected, so we tolerated the behavior for several years.
IGNORE. As he grew into a pre-teen, we could see that his hugs were making a few folks a bit uncomfortable, but everyone seemed to like the youngster, so we ignored his overly friendly behavior for a year.
SHAPE. The youngster grew into a tall, strong teenager who did not realize that strangers or to kids on his baseball team did not want big bear hugs. So we developed a plan to shape his behavior, encouraging him to stand at arms length when talking to people.
STOP. As a young adult, he entered a phase where he touched the hands and hair of strangers – including strangers in the store and little kids at church. And he gave family and friends uncomfortable, bone-crunching hugs. So we took immediate steps to stop the behavior. We taught him to stand back, and keep arms folded when talking to strangers. We taught him to stand back and shake hands with his family and friends.

So, now we have come full circle, Our saying “Don’t do that!” or “Stop touching people!” was not effective in stopping the overly friendly behavior. But when we encouraged a different way of interacting with other people, he began a new circle. Management of challenging behaviors is an ongoing process that may be more successful if approached as a series of overlapping circles rather than a hopeless downward spiral.

We welcome your input. Just click on the comments button or send a confidential e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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