FAQautism

When our friends with autism are angry or upset, our responses can actually escalate emotions and cause misbehaviors. All of us tend to respond abruptly, loudly, with too many words when a person needs correction or guidance. Sometimes it is better to respond quietly and calmly, even when we feel like shouting, “Yikes!”

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1. Flood of words. We tend to overwhelm people with words when correcting behavior or giving directions. So, a teacher or family member might say, “Every time I turn around, you are staring into space or day-dreaming and not paying attention, so you just wander and end up running into someone. I know you didn’t run into that lady on purpose, and I know it is hard to focus when you are thinking of something else. But I need you to try harder, to pay attention to the world around you, and to try not to run into anyone while you are going outside.” At best, it is difficult to determine the point of that long speech. All those words bounce around in the brain of our friend with autism, even kids with very sophisticated receptive language. A better plan is to use five words or less to calmly state exactly what should happen next.

2. Loud and abrupt. We must assume that youngsters who misbehave lose their hearing, because the volume of our correction rises in direct correlation with the nature of the offense. Many individuals with autism have marked sensitivities to sounds, so loud and abrupt reprimands may startle our friends and escalate the situation.

3. Public scenes. Rather than scolding or correcting our friend with autism in public, we can move aside or just stand close and talk very quietly. These matters are better when addressed in private rather than discussing confidential matters for all to hear. We need to take a minute to try to discern the cause of the problem or conflict, then use hushed tones to calm our friend and to help him know what to do next.

We hope you will join this conversation about the most effective way to respond to behavior issues or touchy situations. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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