Rhetorical Questions
Most of my friends with autism who are verbal tend to interpret language literally. For example, on the first day of school, a teacher told a new student to go sit with his homeroom after he got his lunch tray. So, the youngster went through the cafeteria line, marched out of the cafeteria, and walked down long halls to sit with his homeroom just as his teacher had said. This tendency to take words at face value can lead to some awkward moments when our friends are asked a rhetorical question such as “How are you feeling today?”
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Over time, people learn not to ask some individuals questions such as “How are you feeling today?” My friend Connie can talk for thirty minutes about her feelings, answering the question by sharing every single detail of her physical condition from head to toe. She gets very upset if we try to change the subject or cut short her litany of feelings. Once I made the mistake of asking her how her grandmother was feeling. Since then, we have taught her to say, “Fine, thank you” when asked. Of course, she protested, saying, “But, what if I am NOT feeling fine?” Over time, she has resigned herself to giving the short answer.
Another student ran into problems at his school during general assemblies. Often a guest speaker would say something like, “Just let me know if you have any questions.” Invariably, this student’s hand would shoot up. Not wanting to be rude, the speaker would call on the student who would stand and ask a question, usually unrelated to the topic. The administration was a bit reluctant about correcting the student because they were not certain how to approach the topic appropriately. Therapists and parents explained the intent of the speaker and helped the student learn to look, to listen, and to keep his hand down during school assemblies.
A similar situation arose when I said to a friend with autism, “Give me a call sometime.” She started calling me five or six times a day. After unsuccessful attempts to gently persuade my friend to quit calling me so often, I finally had to say, “Please do not call me on the phone. You can send me an e-mail one time a day. Thanks!” It took several firm reminders for the phone calls to decrease. I also made a point of sending her a short, personal e-mail at least once a week. The experience helped me understand the pervasiveness of responses by individuals with autism to words that we speak very casually. We are just speaking simple social phrases and asking rather meaningless questions, but our friends interpret every word literally.
We welcome your input, your experiences, your ideas about this topic. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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