FAQautism

In part one of this topic of dating the divorced parent of a youngster with autism, we shared some ideas that emerged from a conversation with a person dating the dad whose pre-teen son visited him two weekends of every month. Here are some more hints for maximizing the possibilities of developing a long-term relationship with both dad and son.

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1. Routine activities. Most individuals with autism are very focused on routines. If I were in this situation, I wouldn’t just show up. When the teen comes home on Friday night for the weekend, your friend can talk through the expected schedule for Saturday and Sunday with his son. If the youngster can read, dad can write down the schedule. So, for example, Saturday’s schedule could read: 8:00 wake up 8:30 breakfast 9:30 Jill comes to visit 9:45 Dad and Timothy and Jill ride in the car to the park…etc.

2. Overstaying welcome. Again, if I were in this situation, I would not overstay my welcome on days the youngster is at home with his dad. Initially, I wouldn’t just hang around. I’d come at a specific time for a specific event e.g. drop by to bring a pizza and a DVD or come at a pre-arranged time for everyone take a walk in the park or a drive out in the country. Rather than staying all day long, dad could schedule a time later in the day that you come back for another specific activity. Then leave.

3. Note about car rides. If the youngster normally sits in the front seat with his dad, don’t impose on his space. Just sit in the back seat and enjoy the ride!

4. Red flags. If you see red flags of agitation or discomfort rising that indicate the teen is upset by your presence, just melt out of the picture. Don’t let him hold you and your friend hostage – learning he can throw a fit to get rid of you. But, at the same time, this is HIS dad and HIS home. You are the visitor. If you see the frustration level rising, you can just pretend you get a cell phone message and graciously excuse yourself.

5. Note about behavior. Avoid blaming yourself if the youngster has emotional melt-downs. They may be the result of the presence of a new person and changes in his life, but they may also be a result of numerous other factors. Negative reactions do not necessarily mean our friends with autism do not like a person. So, be patient and kind and forgiving. Don’t try to hard to please.

We welcome your input. Share challenges and ideas based on your experiences or intuition. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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