What are some things a person should consider when they begin dating the divorced parent of a youngster with autism? What steps can a new person take to maximize the possibility of a good relationship with parent and child when dating someone who has part-time or full-time custody of a youngster with autism?

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In my opinion, this topic could fill a book. But here are a few ideas that came from a discussion I had with a friend who was dating the divorced dad of a pre-teen boy diagnosed with autism. The youngster visited his dad’s home two weekends of every month.
1. Respecting Space. Most individuals with autism are protective of their space and their belongings. So, respect the youngster’s space. Don’t go into his room uninvited. Don’t sit next to him uninvited. Don’t pick up or touch items that belong to him. Don’t talk too loud or too much. Don’t try to fill all the silences with conversation. He and his dad have a routine at home. You just need to glide into the routine without fanfare so you don’t make even a ripple on the water of their time together.
2. Keeping Quiet. With a few exceptions, people who don’t talk much can still understand what people say. Don’t EVER make a comment about the youngster when he is at home. No criticisms, observations, advice, or any other comments about the youngsters. Never. Not even when you think he is asleep or taking a bath or playing outside. If you MUST communicate something to your friend about his son, send an e-mail or a text message. If the youngster can read, delete the message as soon as it is read.
3. Holding Hands. Keep romantic interaction very private. Again, new romance is a difficult adjustment for ALL teens. Until you are certain it won’t cause a melt-down, I recommend you act very much like a family friend or an aunt so you don’t raise unnecessary red flags. It is much more important to earn the youngster’s trust and friendship than to hold hands or snuggle or even sit next to your new romantic interest.

Tune in tomorrow for part 2 of this discussion about strategies for helping maximize relationships between youngsters with autism and the new friends of their divorced parents.

We welcome your input. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com