Falling Short
We are falling short on all the things we should be doing for our daughter, a third-grader diagnosed with autism. We know that she needs structure and a schedule at home. We know that we could be helping her every day with communication and social skills and academics and motor skills. But our best intentions often go to the wayside.
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These comments are echoed frequently by other parents, by teachers and therapists, and by others who are interested in the well-being of individuals with autism. It is probably important for us to step back occasionally and reflect on the big picture. Remember this: perfection is not the goal. Consider these thoughts.
FORGIVE YOURSELF. You are not going to be able to provide a perfect life for your daughter. Forgive yourself for that so you don’t waste time and energy beating yourself up about all your failures.
FORGIVE OTHERS. Your daughter is going to encounter imperfect teachers, imperfect friends, imperfect doctors, and imperfect therapists. She will encounter individuals and groups who do not understand autism or who are intolerant of differences. You will encounter people who are critical of your parenting skills and decisions you make about your daughter’s life. Although there is a time and place for indignation, sometimes it is necessary to just forgive and move on.
DOUBLE UP. Don’t forget to use everyday family activities as opportunities to help your youngster in target areas. She can practice communication, social skills, adaptive behavior, academics, and perceptual motor skills when visiting grandmamma or when helping make the grocery list, bathe the dog, wash dishes, or fold towels. She can learn while swinging in the yard, taking a shower, or snuggling in bed while you read a book at night.
TAKE TIME. In the midst of all the strategies and interventions and target goals, our primary role is to nurture contentment and friendships and joy. Use any opportunity – riding in the car, setting the table for dinner, brushing teeth, or sitting on the front porch – to connect and laugh and enjoy life.
Note to FAQautism.com listeners and readers: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
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