Social Exchanges
In keeping with their inclination to interpret words literally, some of my friends with autism struggle with the meaning of the quips we all share when greeting people or making casual conversation. Most of us say “How are you doing?” as a casual greeting. Except for unusual circumstances, we are not asking for a report on their life and health, but, rather, are just saying hello. Individuals with autism often need assistance in learning how to respond to casual social exchanges.
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When helping people learn appropriate responses, we might emphasize the value of short answers. For example, when someone asks, “How are you doing?” the correct answer is “Fine,” even if life is terrible at the moment. And if they ask, “How are you feeling?” they typically do not want a complete rundown of your health situation, but rather a short answer like, “I’m fine,” or “I’m getting better,” or “I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”
One of my teen friends with autism has encountered difficulty in school assemblies, in church, and other settings when a speaker asks a rhetorical question to the group. The young lady raises her hand and gives a long, detailed answer to the question. She is learning that these questions are meant to make us think quietly to ourselves, not to share our answers with the whole group.
Other individuals with autism have a similar response to the commonly used phrase, “Just let me know if you have any questions.” Again, they perceive that phrase as a call to ask questions. So they do. Sometimes they ask multiple questions because the speaker cannot think of a tactful way to stop the deluge.
An adult friend with autism encounters similar problems when people say casually, “Give me a call sometime.” She takes that phrase literally, and calls the person, sometimes numerous times in one day. Her friends are learning to use different words. They now say something like “See you soon,” rather than “Give me a call sometime.” And the young lady is learning that she may only call a friend one time a week or one time a month.
So, we hope you will share ideas that come to your mind about social niceties. We welcome your input. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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