FAQautism

Helping some individuals with autism stay on an even keel with behavior can feel like a downward spiral. Some family members, teachers, and job coaches have described the circular feeling of getting one problem ironed out only to have another bigger challenge come barreling around the corner.

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For many years, I viewed behavior management as a linear process where we pick one of five responses based on the nature of the behavior. We either ENCOURAGE a behavior, or we learn to TOLERATE it, or we realize we need to IGNORE it, or we develop a plan to SHAPE it, or we take immediate steps to STOP it. But, when you think about it, behavior management can actually be productive if we view the process as overlapping circles rather than a hopeless spiral. Interestingly, the most effective way to STOP a behavior is to ENCOURAGE a different, incompatible behavior. For example, we help a youngster stop hitting by encouraging him to put his hands on his knees. We help an individual stop screaming in frustration by encouraging her to pick out her own snack. We help a person stop taking items off store shelves by encouraging him to use both hands to push the grocery cart.

Let’s look at a real-life example to moves through all five stages of behavior management. We are thrilled when our pre-schooler with autism begins to connect with the world around him, reaching out to others and wanting to give bear hugs. Of course we ENCOURAGE the behavior. As he grows up, he doesn’t realize that it is not appropriate to give friends and family multiple hugs, but we don’t want him to feel rejected, so we might TOLERATE or IGNORE the behavior for a few years. Then he grows into a teenager who doesn’t realize that strangers or to kids on his baseball team don’t want big bear hugs. So we develop a plan to SHAPE his behavior, encouraging him to stand at arms length when talking to people. As a young adult, he enters a phase where he begins touching the hands and hair of everyone he meets – including strangers in the store and little girls at church. – and giving them bone-crunching hugs. So we take immediate steps to STOP the behavior. We help him learn to shake hands and stand back. We practice it at home, then, when we see it working out in public, we ENCOURAGE him and praise him when he shakes hands with the greeter at the grocery store. So, now we have come full circle. Our telling him, “Don’t do that!” is not effective in stopping the behavior, but when we ENCOURAGE a different way of interacting with other people, he begins a new circle.

We welcome your input. Share challenges and ideas based on your experiences or intuition. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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