Imperfection
Parents of a youngster with autism were talking recently about their inability to adequately meet all the needs of their son. They acknowledge that he needs structure and a more regular schedule at home. They realize that they should take time every day to work on communication and social skills and motor skills and reading. But they report that their best intentions often go by the wayside.
Listen Now:
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These comments are a reminder of the ongoing conflict many of us face. We want the best for our friends with autism, but don’t have the time or energy to do all that is necessary to make their lives perfect. It is probably wise for family members, teachers, therapists, and other interested in the wellbeing of individuals with autism to step back occasionally and reflect on the big picture. In reality, perfection is not a realistic goal. We might want to consider the following pointers when we feel our efforts are inadequate.
1. FORGIVE YOURSELF. You are not going to be able to provide a perfect life for your family member or friend with autism. Forgive yourself for that shortcoming so you don’t waste time and energy beating yourself up about all your failures.
2. FORGIVE OTHERS. Just as their typical peers, individuals with autism will encounter imperfect teachers, imperfect friends, imperfect doctors, and imperfect therapists. Our friends will encounter individuals and groups who do not understand autism or who are intolerant of differences. Parents, teachers, therapists, and others will encounter disapproval. In the case of the parents mentioned in the introduction, they will most likely experience criticism of their parenting skills and decisions they make about their son’s life. Although there is a time and place for indignation, sometimes it is necessary to just forgive and move on.
3. DOUBLE UP. Don’t forget to use everyday family activities as opportunities to help your youngster develop new skills. He can practice communication, social skills, adaptive behavior, academics, and perceptual motor skills when helping make the grocery list, bathe the dog, fold towels, swiff the floor, and visit grandmamma.
4. TAKE TIME. In the midst of all the strategies and interventions and therapies, our primary role is to nurture contentment and friendships and joy. Now those are certainly valid goals. We can do this by spending time with our friends. Use any opportunity – riding in the car, setting the table for dinner, brushing teeth, sitting on the front porch – to connect and laugh and enjoy life.
We welcome your input about this topic. Share your thoughts and ideas based on your experiences or intuition. Just click on the comments button or send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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