FAQautism

The sister of a non-verbal youngster with autism and developmental disabilities said it really hurts her feelings when fellow students use the word “retard” or say something like, “You are so retarded.” This young lady says she doesn’t remember anyone using the term to describe her brother specifically, but she still thinks it is rude to use the word “retard” in jokes or when poking fun at their own friends.

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Communication, Personal Interaction, Quality of Life, Social Skills
This young lady’s concerns are certainly valid. The custom of using gracious and polite language in daily conversation seems to be slipping away. Although I don’t watch television or listen to most popular media, I still hear disrespectful language in my relatively sheltered world. Sometimes the derogatory terms are used to demean a person. But, as this sister stated, terms such as “retard” are also spoken in jest and when playfully teasing friends.

So, what can we do when we encounter such situations? Sometimes a direct confrontation is warranted. And sometimes we might want to speak to the person privately about our concern with their use of hurtful words. They may not realize their words are hurtful. So, whether we make a public statement or a private suggestion, it is probably most important to speak respectfully about the topic. It would certainly seem counterproductive to make rude comments about someone who makes rude comments.

In the case of the youngster’s sister, she might visit with her friends individually or in a small group and say something like this: “I just need to talk to you about something that has been bothering me. Sometimes when we are just goofing around and teasing our friends, we might describe someone as retarded. That word really hurts my feelings. I’m sure you know that my brother Sean is diagnosed with autism and developmental disabilities. That just means that his brain is wired differently from ours. And, because of his developmental disabilities, he can barely read or do math. But he is smart in other ways. But, even if he weren’t smart at all, he is still a great kid and a child of God. So, I would really appreciate it if you could avoid using the word retard when you are talking about your friends or your enemies. Thanks for listening.”

We welcome your thoughts about this issue. Just click on the comments button or send a message to talk@FAQautism.com.

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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