Let Go or Hang Tough
Some parents, teachers, and therapists are very intense, spending a great deal of time and energy to help smooth the path for individuals with autism. Other parents and professionals appear to show very little concern for people with autism, letting many opportunities slip by with no apparent effort to help people maximize their potential. Most of us are in the middle. We are very interested in the well-being of our friends with autism, but we find it difficult to determine when it is best to wisely let go of an issue, and when it is better to steadfastly refuse to give up.
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Let’s look at the pros and cons of each side of the dilemma.
1. THE WISDOM OF LETTING GO. We all know in our heads that we are not superhuman and that we cannot make life perfect for everyone. But, at the same time, our hearts spur us on to doing all we can to help individuals with autism, especially those who are unable to solve problems or overcome barriers without our help. Occasionally, situations will arise that can best be resolved by letting go. Not giving up, but letting go. For example, the parents of an older teen with autism finally came to the conclusion that their son would never learn to talk. “We do not regret all the intense therapy and effort at home and at school for all those years,” commented the dad, “but we do realize it is time to let go of the talking issue and to be thankful that he does communicate in many other ways.” The parents, of course, will continue to give their son opportunities to use spoken words, but that will not be their primary focus.
2. THE WISDOM OF HANGING TOUGH. It seems contradictory to say “never give up” immediately after having emphasized the wisdom of letting go. But, the two philosophies go hand in hand. Many individuals with autism face difficult challenges and depend on their families and teachers and therapists to be their advocates, their best friends, their supervisors, their partners, their buddies, and their cheerleaders. Our friends deserve our very best effort. We should do nothing less than work together intensely as a team toward realistic goals that focus on maximizing potential and enhancing the quality of life of our friends with autism. Of course, this persistence is only appropriate when balanced with the wisdom of knowing when to let go of some issues. So, we’ve come full circle. The key is balance. Sometimes we let go, and sometimes we don’t.
We welcome your stories and insights about letting go and about hanging tough. Just click on the comment button or send us a message: talk@FAQautism.com.
NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com
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