FAQautism

How do we respond when someone insults a family member or friend with autism? What can we say when an acquaintance or a stranger criticizes our parenting or teaching after observing a behavior outburst? What recourse do we have when we realize the public or the press has spoken about autism in negative or insulting terms?

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I don’t know about you, but insults and rude comments make me mad. And my anger is magnified if the insults are targeting people with autism in general, or if someone speaks disrespectfully about a specific individual with autism.

Although we may feel like doing so, it is probably not wise to kick the rude person in the shins or let the air out of their tires. And, although it may make us feel better, it is counterproductive to heap insults on the offenders and start calling them names to their faces or behind their backs. When we experience or witness insults, it is best to respond in one of three ways. We can ignore the remarks. We can confront the speaker directly. Or we can take time to educate the speaker about autism.

IGNORE. Sometimes we need to chalk up the remarks to rudeness or ignorance. Although we can’t assume that people are purposefully being rude, some folks are, indeed, judgmental. I encourage you to just grow thick skin so you can ignore rude comments or judgmental opinions so they don’t ruin the day for you or for your friend with autism.

CONFRONT. Sometimes it is necessary to just cut criticism short. Whether they intend to be purposefully hurtful, or if they are just offering “constructive criticism,” some folks may say things that are inappropriate. If you can keep your cool and avoid punching them in the nose, you might talk to the person directly to let them know the impact of their comments. You can say “I don’t like it when you talk that way.” Or, better yet, walk the high road. Take a deep breath, turn to the insulting person with a smile, and say, “It would be most helpful to me if you would avoid talking about my child and avoid criticizing me.” Then change the topic of conversation and ignore other critical comments.

EXPLAIN. If possible, take advantage of the opportunity to help other people understand the nature of autism. Don’t assume they know that your friend is diagnosed with autism or that they understand the complexities of autism. Many of us make inaccurate assumptions about what others are thinking, and we tend to be overly sensitive about their words and facial expressions. Sometimes we assume, for example, that a neighbor’s silent stare is rude and insulting. But it may be that she is just trying to figure out an appropriate way to ask you to help her understand more about autism.

We welcome your comments about or experiences with rude people. Just click on the comments button or send us an message: talk@FAQautism.com

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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