FAQautism

“It takes so much time to help my son with every step of getting ready for school in the morning,” commented a parent of a teen with autism. “But it takes even longer if I let him try to do things himself. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.” It is certainly easy to understand the dilemma this parent faces. At the same time, her frustration will only magnify if she is still helping him with every step of self-care when he is 50 years old.

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The key to success in teaching some degree of independence is to break things down into incremental steps and to gradually shape more and more self-help skills. It is human nature to think in terms of “all or nothing,” e.g. he is toilet trained or not, or he can dress himself or not. Instead, we can break down the self-help skill of dressing, for example, into 365 tiny steps. That allows a youngster to make incremental progress throughout the year and allows us to recognize and celebrate progress every day.

Here are some tips for developing and implementing a plan to help your son learn new skills. to decrease his dependence on others, and to maximize his potential.
1. ANALYZE. Take a look at a skill in light of your son’s areas of strength and deficit. Consider his motor skills, cognitive skills, his level of cooperation, his receptive and expressive communication skills, and his level of motivation.
2. BREAK IT DOWN. Break down the new skill in accessible, incremental steps, based on his functioning level. Don’t wait until the skill is completely mastered – celebrate each step, not matter how tiny the accomplishment.
3. STATE IN POSITIVE TERMS. Instead of saying, “I don’t have time” or “You’d better learn to do things for yourself,” approach this “training” as a new adventure. Depending on your son’s maturity level, you could say something like, “I am proud to see you grow into a young man, and I am proud of you for learning to do more and more things for yourself. Rather than me picking out your clothes, you show me which shirt you want to wear today.”
4. STICK WITH IT. The success of this program depends as much on your patience as on his progress. Remember that it may take two months or even two years to increase his level of independence on this task. Compared to an entire lifetime of total dependence, the time you spend helping him achieve some degree of independence will reap rich rewards. This investment in time now will be worth the effort in the long run.

We welcome any ideas for helping teach new skills, and we also welcome inquiries about situations where is seems impossible to teach some degree of independence. Just send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com

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