FAQautism

How do you carry on a casual conversation with a person who is non-verbal? A fifth-grader said of a new student in her computer class, “I want to be Lucille’s friend, but it’s hard to talk to someone who doesn’t talk back.” A teenager said “All my brother does is repeat what I say, so it is easier just to keep quiet.” Aunts and uncles, classmates, dentists, neighbors, cafeteria staff, and other folks might need some ideas for talking to a person with autism who does not converse freely.

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It can certainly be challenging to converse with a person who does not talk or who echoes words or phrases. At the same time, our friends cannot exist in a social vacuum, so we need to take some purposeful steps to get in the habit of frequent casual conversation. First – BE THERE. Don’t avoid your friend just because they don’t talk back to you. Secondly – ASSUME. Just assume your friend with autism understands everything you say. And, step 3, – TALK! Don’t worry about hogging the conversation. Just chat when you have something to say, and be silent when you don’t.

Here are some ideas for conversation starters.
1. Take time throughout the day – at meals, in the car, on walks, when swinging on the porch – to talk about what you see and hear and feel.
2. Talk about events of the day, about plans for tomorrow, and about upcoming special events.
3. While looking at photographs or souvenirs, talk about acquaintances and about past experiences at school, camp, birthday parties, family gatherings, vacations, and other events.
4. Talk about events in your day, about your opinions, and about your dreams. Don’t worry about whether or not your friend with autism responds or understands all that you say. Your goal is to make a connection, develop a relationship, and keep the pipelines open for personal interaction.
5. Take time frequently to read books, magazines, and newspapers together.
6. Take time frequently to go to sporting events or car shows or flea markets or fireworks displays or walks on the beach or walks around the block to help broaden horizons.
7. Be silent sometimes – you don’t need to fill all the spaces in the conversation.
8. Don’t hesitate to ask questions – someday you might get an answer!!!

NOTE TO READERS AND LISTENERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. Feel free to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solution. Send email to talk@FAQautism.com And don’t forget to check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. http://FAQautism.com

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