To Be Expected
When we compare our youngsters with autism with their more typical peers, we may discover that some of the issues we struggle with every day may be common with all kids in that age range. Although autism may, indeed, magnify some issues, the fact remains that nearly all parents struggle with the attitudes of teenagers, for example, or with the unyielding stubbornness of a three-year-old.
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Patterns of behavior are to be expected at certain stages of life. For example, parents and teachers have expressed concerns about teens with autism who “talk-back” to adults in authority. Parents of three-year-olds with autism have reported that their toddlers grab toys from others. Autism can, of course, intensify these behaviors, but parents often find it encouraging to know that these issues are common with a all teens and toddlers. In some ways, we can celebrate the fact that our youngsters are functioning on the same level as their “typical” peers.
Teens tend to ignore or openly defy directions, to leave clothes on the floor, to stay up too late and sleep too late, and to distance themselves from parents and other family members. They may be overly sensitive to criticism, and they may speak disrespectfully or rudely to others. Sometimes teens are moody or hold a grudge for an extended time. Some teens are overly confidents, while others struggle with low self-esteem. Some youngsters will become sloppy about grooming or dress, whereas others will become somewhat obsessed with their looks and clothes and hair.
Toddlers have their own set of challenges. They are often self-centered and somewhat selfish. They can be demanding, pouting or crying when they don’t get their way. Some toddlers are very clingy, while others strike out independently without any regard for safety. These little ones can become very picky about food or they can be stubborn or uncooperative at bedtime. Most three-year-olds are very impatient when they are required to wait while parents talk to other adults or chat on the phone.
Granted, not every single youngster has these problems, but all teens and toddlers have some challenges. It is not necessary for us to just accept inappropriate behaviors or to ignore difficult issues, but we can rest assured that all parents are encountering similar situations. That knowledge allows us to relax a bit and to realize that this “phase” will probably pass in time. Also, we can be confident in talking to parents of more typical kids about their strategies for dealing with the problems – strategies that we can tweak a bit to be more effective for a toddler or a teen with autism. We welcome input from you about circumstances that require some creative solutions. Just send us an e-mail talk@FAQautism.com
Note to FAQautism.com listeners and readers: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
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