Disinterested in Gifts
Disinterested in GiftsMost of us have learned to expect looks of awe and wonder on the faces of children when they open gifts. When our friends with autism seem apathetic or disinterested, we can be disappointed. It is probably good to be realistic about what response we expect from individuals with autism and to recognize all of the factors that are involved in the gift-giving process.
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Many people who give gifts are eager to see the reaction of the receiver, so it is natural to judge a person’s interest and gratefulness for a gift by the look on their face as soon as the box is opened. For a variety of reasons, a person with autism may not respond with the appropriate “oohs” and “ahhhs” when opening gifts on Christmas morning. They may look bored or they may look puzzled or they may even say something rude, like, “I don’t like that CD.” I’ve even had friends with autism put new gifts in the trash because of their difficulty in dealing with change.
Below is a list of just some of the other reasons why a person with autism may not respond in a socially appropriate manner when opening a gift.
1. It is certainly possible that your friend with autism doesn’t realize the item in the box belongs to him or her..
2. They may not know who gave them the gift.
3. Because the ceremony of opening gifts can be very overwhelming, some people may be reserved and somewhat withdrawn during the process.
4. Sometimes we “mis-read” the facial expressions of a person who has a flat affect i.e. a rather expressionless face.
5. It may be that the gift is not something that they really want. In this case they may just look disinterested or they may make a tactless response.
6. Whether they like the gift or not, they may not have learned to respond appropriately and politely in different situations.
7. They may not know how to deal with being the center of attention for the moment.
8. They may be embarrassed by the lavishness of the gift, and they don’t know how to respond.
9. It might be that our expectations are too high, in which case we need to learn to just enjoy the festivities rather than being concerned about responses to our gifts.
We can help our friends with autism learn appropriate “gift-opening” behavior, and can help them learn appropriate responses to the gift giver. We can also help keep the joy in the season by quietly helping grandparents and other gift givers know what to expect so they aren’t surprised or disappointed.
We welcome your stories about gift giving and any suggestions you have. Just send a message to talk@FAQautism.com
Note to FAQautism.com listeners and readers: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
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