Approaching Strangers
“One of my students touches the hair of nearly everyone he sees, even complete strangers,” said a teacher of junior high students with autism. “Whether in the hallway at school or in the grocery store with his family, he touches the hair of adults, teens, and kids. As you can imagine, this sudden approach from someone who looks like a typical teenager angers men and frightens children. I am concerned that he will be arrested if he touches the hair of a baby or that he will be hit if he touches the hair of a strange man. He is non-verbal, so he would not be able to respond to a question such as ‘Why did you touch my daughter?’ I need some help.”
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Whether gently touching hair, compulsively straightening clothing, or suddenly hitting or pinching, our friends with autism can startle people with a sudden, inappropriate approach. Under the circumstances, it would certainly be understandable if a parent of a little girl called security or if a man who was suddenly hit or grabbed would hit back.
A multi-faceted strategy is usually necessary when shaping compulsive behaviors involving strangers. The strategy involves removing the temptation or opportunity to approach strangers as well as systematically teaching our friends with autism to keep their hands down in public.
1. Constant supervision. Because of the potential for a hurtful response from a stranger, we must constantly supervise our friends with autism who tend to suddenly approach strangers.
2. Keep your distance. When in public, it is best to avoid crowded spaces and to stay out of arm reach of other people. So, for example, if you are in the checkout line at a store, stand back from the people in front of you. Select a table at a restaurant that are too far from other tables to allow for reaching. If you go to a movie, do not sit directly behind someone.
3. Barrier. As much as possible, stand between your friend with autism and strangers so he doesn’t have an opportunity to touch, grab, hit, pinch, or otherwise startle people.
4. Don’t don’t. Except in rare circumstances, it is not effective to just tell our friends with autism to stop doing something. Rather than telling a person, “Don’t touch strangers,” we need to tell them what TO do.
5. Hands down. Teach your compulsive grabber with autism to “keep hands down.” Sometimes I teach folks to fold their arms, to clasp their hands at their waist, or to put their hands in their pocket when in pulic places.
5. Occupy hands. When at a store, have your friend carry shopping bags in each hand or push a shopping cart (whether you need one or not). In other public places, your friend can carry two “go” bags that contain snacks, an iPod, spending money, or an umbrella. Do whatever it takes to occupy their hands so they are not tempted to reach out to grab someone.
So, basically, you are doing two things to help decrease the incidents of inappropriately approaching a stranger: (1) removing the opportunity to touch other people, and (2) teaching them to keep their hands down when in public. We welcome your input about experiences you have had with this issue or about strategies and ideas for dealing with approaching strangers inappropriately. Send an e-mail to talk@FAQautism.com.
Note to FAQautism.com listeners and readers: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
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