Family Gatherings
Some families avoid family gatherings during the holidays because of their concern about the potentially explosive behavior of their youngster with autism. Others have expressed frustration about missing holiday events because of dietary concerns, sensory sensitivities, or other issues related to autism. Parents of a third grader diagnosed with autism commented they couldn’t tell if their son enjoyed family gatherings during the holidays. They said, “So far we haven’t had to deal with any serious behavior issues, but he doesn’t interact with any of his relatives or enjoy any of the food and festivities or join in conversations. Sometimes we wonder if we should even attend family gatherings.”
Listen Now:
or
At best, large family gatherings are stressful for many folks, and autism adds additional challenges. Some individuals with autism may simply be overwhelmed with the group situation. After all, family gatherings require our friends to leave the quiet comfort of their own home to come to a new place where lots of unfamiliar sights and sounds and people and foods and activities are swirling around. Rather than avoiding holiday visits, we can take purposeful steps to maximize the situation for everyone involved. Family members of individuals with autism may find that some of these practical strategies help smooth over the rough spots of family visit.
1. Talk about the upcoming visit. For several weeks in advance, talk about “Christmas at Grandmama’s” or whatever. Show your youngster pictures of Grandmama’s house and relatives he will see. Talk about the anticipated activities for the day. Talk about Christmas in general and about family traditions surrounding the holiday.
2. Plan in advance. Pick the best time frame for your visit. If your youngster nearly always has a melt-down in the early evening, then plan to leave in the late afternoon. If he usually gets very active in the early afternoon, plan to take him for a walk at that time. If a person only likes certain foods or has strict dietary restrictions, take some of that food along. If he can’t get along without his favorite toy or book, take that along. Most people get restless when waiting around. Plan some activities your youngster can enjoy rather than expecting him to sit for hours while adults converse or watch television.
3. Short and sweet. If you know in advance that your youngster gets restless after a few hours of relatively unstructured time, then don’t press your luck. Purposefully show up after everyone else has arrived, enjoy a meal and visit, and then head home.
4. Watch food intake. Monitor the food closely to prevent allergic reactions and to prevent behavior issues that arise for some individuals with autism when they eat certain foods.
5. Anticipate issues. Be prepared for explosive or other inappropriate behaviors that can occur when a person is thrust into a new, stressful situation. Nip frustration or anger or over-excitement in the bud when possible. You can go for a drive or for a walk to help him calm down.
6. Respect privacy. Remember that individuals with autism – even those who have limited language skills – may understand everything being said. Try to avoid talking about him or about his autism or about problems you are encountering. Although it is tempting to talk about issues at family gatherings, it is probably more respectful to have such conversations with your relatives via e-mail.
7. Relax. A holiday visit requires that you remain vigilant to help individuals with autism stay on track. A low-key approach to the whole situation works best. It isn’t necessary to make a big deal over his macaroni and cheese preference or over his lack of social interaction or your “short and sweet” visit. Don’t expect perfection. Take care of all problems swiftly and quietly, then relax and enjoy your visit. Over time, these family visits will become more familiar to your son, and the family traditions will become an important part of the fabric of his life.
Note to FAQautism.com listeners and readers: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
Automatically generated related posts:
- Holidays Coming Soon The excitement of the holidays, large family gatherings, new foods...
- Better Holiday Visits Parents of a third grader diagnosed with autism commented they...
- Successful Family Visits Our youngsters with autism deserve consideration when it comes to...
- Holiday Meals Holiday gatherings, large and small, are filled with challenges for...
- Avoiding Holidays 2 Understandably, it is tempting for families and individuals with autism...