FAQautism | Giving Thanks

Giving Thanks

“When we began to realize that our son had autism, I thought my heart would break,” commented a mother of an 8-year-old recently. “As time passed, we could see that we were, indeed, blessed with a very special child. He deals with many challenges every day, but we give thanks for the little glimmers of joy we see occasionally. Sometimes we get discouraged or frustrated, but we have learned to cherish peaceful moments, to grab hold of brief bits of personal contact, and to give thanks for our son.”

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As this mom was sharing her thoughts, she said, “People probably think that I just talk about counting my blessings because I am sentimental or because I’m trying to find some sort of fictional silver lining related to my son’s autism. But I don’t think that’s the case. We have three other kids, and our son has really taught the whole family to be less self-centered and to look at the world from a different perspective. On many days, the frustrations outweigh the joys, but that is the case with ALL of our kids!”

Not all family members have come to a point where they can feel like giving thanks. It is difficult to watch as our loved ones struggle with communication and with social interaction and with other issues related to autism. Some individuals with autism require a great deal of assistance, and will probably need help for the rest of their lives. so we can be too worn out to feel thankful. A parent of an adult who is struggling with lots of issues right now sent an e-mail saying she is “caregivered out right now.” One sibling confided, “It sounds selfish for me to say this, but I really wish my brother had not been born with autism. His autism just rules everything in our lives.”

We certainly cannot ignore the strain and disappointment and concerns that many families encounter when faced with autism. At the same time, if we pause to reflect occasionally, we can recognize blessings that seem very insignificant to most folks, but they can fill our lives with thanksgiving. In his book, Special Children, Challenged Parents (2001), Dr. Robert Naseef wrote about his son who is diagnosed with autism. He wrote, “Tariq has taught me the meaning of unconditional love. I have learned to honor his sacred right to be loved for who he is. My attachment to his achievements dissolved over time. Tariq has taught me how to accept him as well as how to accept my self. I think the challenges in our children radiate inwardly to our own sense of being imperfect. I had to accept my own imperfections, warts and all. With all children, we have to give up a lot of expectation in order to love our child in the moment. Some dreams are deferred and some dreams are remade. In a sense, Tariq is not damaged in the least. He is perfect as he is. Along with other children and adults with disabilities, he bears witness to the diversity of the human condition and the resilience of our collective spirit” (pp. 255-256).

We encourage families and teachers and therapists and others who have friends with autism to share some joys and frustrations. Give us a brief insight to the things that make you want to pull your hair out and the things for which you give thanks. Your comments can be confidential and anonymous or not. Just take a minute to send us a quick note Talk@FAQautism.com

Note to FAQautism.com listeners and readers: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com