Script for Anger
“I am a regular FAQautism listener via podcast and have written in the past,” wrote a mother. “So now that I have something that really WORKS I wanted to share it with other parents and caregivers.” This mom shares a strategy that she used to help her daughter deal with anger more productively.
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The mom writes, “My daughter is very verbal and is mainstreamed in school. She doesn’t always express herself in the best way when she is frustrated. Just out of the blue she will angrily say “I’m mad!” or “I’m mad at you!” Sometimes she tells why she is mad, but she speaks directly without any tact. But usually she is very angry at a person for no apparent reason. It may take a little digging to find out what she is angry about.
“For instance, at the beginning of the school year, she came home from school day after day very angry at her teacher. We finally discovered the reason for her anger. For the last year two years at school, there was a “happy basket” on my daughter’s desk full of little items like Silly Putty or books she was allowed to look at for a break after completing an assignment. This year there was no basket at her table spot and she was upset about it being missing.
“Once I found out the source of her anger, we talked about the issue, and discovered that she had not talked to her teacher. My daughter just assumed the teacher knew about the basket. Then we wrote and rehearsed a script for her to follow when talking to the teacher. I pretended to be the teacher and she read a script which followed these steps.
1) Getting teacher’s attention. We practiced having a calm voice and asking for the teacher’s attention nicely
2) Stating the problem. My daughter said, “I don’t have my happy basket this year – I used it with Mrs. X and Mrs. Y last year at Z school.”
3) Explaining the problem. My daughter explained what the happy basket is and how and when it is used.
4) More information. My daughter told her teacher the names of the teachers she had the previous year so her new teacher could contact them for more information.
“After practicing the script several times, we talked about different outcome possibilities. I emphasized she may have to wait for an answer from the teacher since the teacher may need time to talk to her teachers from the previous year for better understanding. Or she may need time to put a basket together. We also talked about the fact that the teacher may tell her “no” and that she needed to accept that answer.
“The next day when my daughter went to school, she was able to tell her current teacher about the problem. The teacher didn’t know about the happy basket, but she told my daughter she would talk to her teachers from the previous year about the happy basket and let my daughter know the next day what she found out. My daughter was overjoyed when her happy basket was on her desk just one day after talking to the teacher about it. The teacher got a basket from the OT room and was able to compose simple rules for my daughter.”
This was certainly an effective strategy that paid big dividends for the mom, the teacher, and the youngster. Just as with all strategies for our friends with autism, this mom’s plan isn’t foolproof and isn’t necessarily a good plan of action for every person, but it certainly helped her daughter learn a quick and rather painless lesson in the value of expressing frustration and anger in a more appropriate way. We encourage all family members, teachers, therapists, and other folks to share strategies and quick tips.
NOTE TO LISTENERS AND READERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
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