Residential Living
“Our daughter is moving into residential care next month,” wrote a parent. “She will be coming home on Saturday afternoons and returning on Sunday afternoons. Our daughter is non-verbal and seems to be looking forward to living with new friends. But she traditionally struggles with changes in her life. We need some ideas for staying in touch with her and for making her weekends and her holiday visits enjoyable experiences.”
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When a person with autism moves away from home and into residential care, family members can take some purposeful steps to maintain connections with their family member and to help weekend visits run smoothly for all involved.
MOVING OUT. Help your daughter gather up some items from her family home to take with her to her new home. For example, she could take her pillow and bedspread, a stuffed animal, some nick-nacks, and selected favorite books and CD’s. Make a photo album with pictures of her house, her pets, her family home, the members of her family, and other familiar sights. This book keeps her connected with home and helps the staff and other folks at her new home learn more about her home life.. Take some time to visit her new home during the week so you can be more familiar with her staff, her weekly activities, and her new friends. Take some pictures to keep in a photo album at her family home so you can have meaningful conversations on weekends about her new friends and weekly activities.
STAYING CONNECTED. Your family might think of this move as a long-term summer camp experience. Remember how much you loved getting something in the mail when you were at camp? You were just gone for six days, but the letter from home was precious. So, even if your daughter is not able to read, I still encourage you to send her a letter or postcard every single week with just a brief update of the family or just a “howdy” and hug from home. I also encourage you to send her an e-mail at least once a week. Make arrangements for the staff to show it to her on the computer or to print out the message. Again, the message can be brief, but it helps keep those family ties strong.
WEEKEND AND HOLIDAY VISITS. Sometimes when youngsters go away to college or a new residential setting, the family converts the bedroom into a home office or exercise room. I STRONGLY suggest that you keep the room exactly like it is. If the room really needs a new coat of paint or new bed spreads, wait a few months, and then let your daughter help with that process when she is home some weekend.
PREDICTABLE ROUTINE. The key to successful transition from new home to family home is to develop a regular predictable routine. A picture schedule giving the general outline of events her weekend visit helps increase contentment and decrease agitation. Mix family activities that she experienced while growing up with at least one new adventure each weekend. Include her in household chores and other routine tasks, but don’t forget to have some fun also.
The general rule of thumb is to treat this new adventure in living as you would for a person who is going away to college, to summer camp, or other to any other new residential setting. You want to help your daughter sprout new wings and enjoy her new home while staying connected with her family home.
NOTE TO LISTENERS AND READERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com
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