FAQautism

“Sometimes I just feel like I am going in circles with my son,” commented a dad of an elementary-aged boy diagnosed with autism. “We finally get one problem ironed out, and here comes another one barreling around the corner!” Teachers and job coaches of individuals with autism express similar frustrations. But, when you think about it, the circular nature of behavior management can actually be productive if we view the process as overlapping circles rather than a hopeless spiral.

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SOME THOUGHTS. For many years, I viewed behavior management as a linear process. We either ENCOURAGE a behavior, or we learn to TOLERATE it, or we realize we need to IGNORE it, or we develop a plan to SHAPE it, or we take immediate steps to STOP it. As this dad and I were talking, the concept of a circular motion came to mind, because, interestingly, the most effective way to STOP a behavior is to ENCOURAGE a different, incompatible behavior. We help a youngster stop hitting by putting his hands on his knees. So, we move full circle and overlap.

So, for example, when our pre-schooler with autism begins to connect with the world around him, reaching out to others and wanting to give bear hugs, we are thrilled, so we ENCOURAGE the behavior. As he grows up, he doesn’t realize that it is not appropriate to give friends and family multiple hugs, but we don’t want him to feel rejected, so we might TOLERATE or IGNORE the behavior for a few years. Then he grows into a teenager who doesn’t realize that strangers or to kids on his baseball team don’t want big bear hugs. So we develop a plan to SHAPE his behavior, encouraging him to stand at arms length when talking to people. As a young adult, he enters a phase where he begins touching the hands and hair of everyone he meets – including strangers in the store and little girls at church. – and giving them bone-crunching hugs. So we take immediate steps to STOP the behavior. We help him learn to shake hands and stand back. We practice it at home, then, when we see it working out in public, we ENCOURAGE him and praise him when he shakes hands with the greeter at the grocery store. So, now we have come full circle,. Our telling him, “DON’T DO THAT!” is not effective in stopping the behavior, but when we ENCOURAGE a different way of interacting with other people, he begins a new circle. So, it might be less frustrating to look at this ongoing process not as a hopeless downward spiral, but rather as a series of overlapping circles.

NOTE TO LISTENERS AND READERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com

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