FAQautism

“My daughter is on-target or ahead of her peers academically, but socially she gets too close to her peers or touches their arm or hair or face,” wrote a parent. “She does not maintain enough personal space when standing or sitting near someone. I feel like we go over this repeatedly but she still stands or sits too close to people, or she gets her hands too close to people’s faces. It’s frustrating not only because of the annoying behavior (in an otherwise charming child), but also because she persists even though we keep telling her people don’t want to stand so close and they definitely don’t like to be touched. I don’t expect her to be perfect, but what else can I do to help her remember not to do this or to stop her if I see the behavior without yelling, nagging or embarrassing either my daughter or the person being touched?”

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STRATEGIES. Nearly every person I know with autism likes multi-sensory input. Many will not make direct eye contact, but may reach out to touch another person’s face or hair or feet. Some individuals want to smell their friend’s hair or hands. One young man whom I’ve known since he was toddler often irritated people by gently touching the hair of people, then leaning forward to smell their hair. Over time, we taught him to reach out and shake hands with folks to prevent him from touching their hair and eyes. So, now he shakes their hands and looks at their eyes, then he smells his hand!! It is the nature of autism. We can’t make that go away, but we can help our friends be more socially appropriate in their contacts.
Here are some ideas to consider when determining how to handle your daughter’s situation. It may be that your daughter doesn’t know what “too close” is when standing or sitting next to a person. She probably doesn’t consciously touch people, and she might not be able to fathom why people, especially her friends, would be irritated by a light touch
If this is the case, the most effective strategy is probably to teach her step-by-step how to interact with other people. Teaching her what TO DO rather than constantly saying “DON’T” helps prevent power struggles and frustration on both sides. Teach her these steps:
STEP 1. Reach your hand out with a smile and say HI!
STEP 2. Shake hands, stay back, and FOLD YOUR HANDS!
The handshake helps her measure the “arms length” distance she needs to maintain. It also gives her a chance to make physical contact in a less irritating and more socially appropriate way. Getting in the habit of folding her hands with interlocked fingers helps her remember to keep her hands down and away from the faces of her friends.

NOTE TO LISTENERS AND READERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com

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