20 July 2007

Cold Turkey

Behavior Issues Caregiver Support

“My son has developed the habit of wanting to go to the store frequently and purchasing a variety of different items,” wrote a single mom of a young man diagnosed with autism. “At first,” she continue, “I was pleased that he was at last interested in things. But now I feel like I have a monster on my hands. Not only do we have more ‘things’ than we need, but also it has become an added expense that is just about out of control. Needless to say, the usual techniques of setting limits and setting aside certain days and certain items to be purchased have not worked. Simply writing a special shopping day on the calendar used to work but now he wants more days, more trips, and more things. All efforts to curb this have resulted in tantrums, screaming, crying, and a generally miserable day for everyone. Any suggestions on how to control my son, the shopaholic?”

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SPECIFIC STRATEGY Your son’s demands for shopping seem to be detrimental to the family budget as well as the family’s peace of mind. You have worked through the different stages of this behavior very systematically without success, but it has progressed to the point that he is holding you hostage with his demands to go shopping and his daily tantrums. It might be time to consider the “Cold Turkey” approach. Rather than focusing on what you will NOT allow (demanding to go shopping), you might try introducing a NEW plan (going on a weekly shopping trip).
1. You could say something like, “Son, I am broke. I am out of money, so we won’t be able to go to the store very much. We just have a few dollars to spend on special treats each week. So listen to our new plan.”
2. Clip an envelope containing $ 3.00 cash with his name on it on the refrigerator door. Say something like, “You get to have $ 3.00 every single week to buy something. It is your money. We will go shopping at Wal-Mart on Friday afternoon so you can spend your money.”
3. Draw a big star on the calendar signifying the new shopping day.
4.The family needs to brace for emotional fireworks, but also ready to encourage any neutral or positive reaction.
5. Make certain you define the unacceptable behavior and consequences very specifically. For example, you could say “If you scream for more than 30 seconds or if you knock over a chair, I will take $1.00 out of your envelope. So, even if you get upset or mad, try to be calm so you get to keep your money. Don’t forget, this is YOUR money to spend at Wal-Mart on Friday.”
6. This is a “cold turkey,” no compromises strategy. He can take it or leave it. Don’t forget to encourage and praise any signs of positive behavior.
7. Keep in mind that any tantrum he throws can’t be much worse than dealing with his holding everyone hostage with his daily demands for shopping and his daily tantrums and screaming. This may last for days, but he will EVENTUALLY begin to value his $3 per week.

NOTE TO LISTENERS AND READERS: I am Cathy Knoll, a board certified music therapist and long-time friend of many folks with autism. At FAQautism.com we are committed to providing free, practical, everyday tips for making life better for people with autism. You can click on a button to send me an email with your thoughts or challenging situations or innovative solutions. Check out our website for a wealth of ideas and a glimpse into the world of autism. www.FAQautism.com

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